GOING OUT OF MY MIND
right now heres the deal, well about a month and a half ago me and my girlfriend of 4 years broke up, she said it was not me it was purely the fact that she didn't want a relationship at the moment and she won't have time for it because her time now will be comitted to studying for work etc etc.
Since then i have been through more emotions than i knew i had, one minute angry, one miunte sad then extremely suicidal. i have been to the doctors and have been prescribed anti-depressants and have taken some time off work sick. i really dont know what to do anymore, i have kept in contact a few times with my ex-girlfriend, one night her parents were awa for the weekend and she called to say she was lonely in the house herself so i went down to keep her company, it was late and she said why don't you stay the night so i said ok, we were in her bed just talking and we ended up kissing and having great sex, the next morning we seemed to be ok with each other and me being nieve thought there could be something there again. Obviously i was wrong, i mentioned it to her and she said nothing was going to happen. that previous night she also told me she still loved me. ARRGGHH!!!! i don't know whats happening.
Now she phones me when she is drunk etc saying she got off with this guy and that guy and it makes me extremely jealous. i don't want to lose contact with her either as i still love her so much even though my heart has been broken.
i have stopped taking the anti-depressants too because they make me feel emotionless in which i feel like im just a presence, never happy never sad, just being sedate ll the time, but now i just want to die, there has been so many times recently where i have just been standing at the edge of a bridge for hours upon end contemplating jumping in, or when im driving my car i could just crash it into a wall and be done with life, i feel worthless. i have been out with my friends more etc and they are great but i can't help feeling so bad all the time, i have lost about a stone in weight over the past month and i feel physically drained, i just hate being this way and its affecting my life, I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE ITS NOT WORTH IT FOR THE WAY IM FEELING.
PLEASE HELP ME ! ! ! !