Re: Fear of molesting a child?
It broke my heart to read your post, but I hope I can offer some help/hope by letting you know I had the same fear, and it is absolutely ocd- and an extremely common fear amongst people with ocd (especially since you describe other ocd experiences along with it). I have recently completely intensive ocd treatment and highly recommend it anywhere you can find it... try the ocf website (obsessive-compulsive foundation) for treatment in your area. Otherwise, I recommend (as does the director the program I went to) the book "Brain Lock", which is a step-by-step self-help book. The fact that you have a little brother is actually even better, because you can practice "exposures" with him- meaning allowing yourself to resume affection and bathing him and thereby seeing that you will not act on the obsessions... I was the baby in the family and never even baby sat or changed a diaper, so my fear is that once I do, I will do something inappropriate. I hope this helps, and feel free to get in touch with any questions. Just know in the meantime that we feed our ocd by giving into compulsions, and in your case that would mean doing the brain calculations, as well as avoiding touching your brother appropriately. You could start out in gradations, like allowing yourself to hug him for 10 seconds combined with deep breathing afterward, then maybe 30 seconds the next day, etc. Don't give in or give up!