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Old April 30th, 2009, 03:59 AM  
nachtspiegel
Awesome Poster
 
Join Date: October 8, 2005
Location: 8five9
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Default Re: Jokes and Riddles

A woman was angry that her husband was having sex with her only with the lights off. She decided to get rid of her husband's custom - one night, when they were hot and heavy, she turns the light on and is surprised to find her husband with a cucumber in his hands. "That's what you've fucked me with for the last ten years?!" "Honey, let me explain..."What's to explain, you liar?!" "Wait... speaking of lies, explain to me where our two kids came from!"

I saw this next one and was just like "wow..."

A man escapes from prison and breaks into someone’s house thinking he will find some food, money and maybe weapons. When he enters he sees a couple having sex. He ties the man to a chair and after that he ties the woman to the bed and kisses her on the neck. Then he goes into the toilet. The husband says to her:
- Dear, this guy just escaped from jail, look at his clothes. Probably he spent a lot of time in jail and did not see a woman for a long time. I saw the way he kissed you. If he wants sex, don’t oppose, don’t scream, do everything he says. I beg of you, give him satisfaction, even if you hate him. I don’t want him to kill us both. Be strong, my love! I love you!
The woman replies to him:
- He did not kiss me, he whispered something at my ear. He told me that he is gay and that he thinks you are cute. After that he asked me if we have any Vaseline in the house and I told him that we have some in the bathroom. Be strong, my love! I love you too!

And, to conclude...

A guy sits at the TV and suddenly his wife hits him with a frying pan in the head...
- What was that for?!
- What’s with the name Laura Jonson, in this ticket?
- Oh, this is a horse’s name from the horse riding contests. I bet on him. The woman leaves peacefully... Next day, she hits him again, but this time even harder.
- What was that for?
- Your horse just called you!

A woman leaves for the Carribean Islands without her husband. There, she meets a very nice black man, and after an impassioned sex game, she asks for his name. "I can't tell you," he says. Every night they meet and have sex. After sex, she always asks him the same thing and gets the same answer. One night, she says to him: this is my last night here. Tomorrow, I leave for home. Can you please tell me your name? He says "I can't tell you because you will laugh." She says, "oh, come on, tell me. I won't laugh." He says "okay, my name is Snow." The woman starts to laugh, and the man says to her: "I was sure you'd laugh. I shouldn't have told you." She said "no, I was just thinking that my husband won't believe me when I tell him that I had eleven inches of snow every day in the Carribean."

Δαβίδ

i had to run away high so i wouldn't come home low.
♫♪

Last edited by nachtspiegel; April 30th, 2009 at 04:15 AM.
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