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Old December 9th, 2005, 08:18 PM  
dying lullaby
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Join Date: April 6, 2004
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Default not having a good time of it

first of all, before i start whining about myself i would like to say that i am sorry to all of the people here that i feel like i abandond when i left this community a few months ago, i miss you all and alot of you are still in my thoughts.

"what have i become
my sweetest friend?
everyone i know
goes away in the end."

i am suffering so much. just not having a good time of it at all. i cut daily again, and i am lying to my friends about it by not telling them. im falling back into my old habits, ie bringing a razor to school and running to the bathroom every few hours to cut my legs and wrists, and im not eating as much as i should, i sleep atleast 14 hours a day - even with school in session, and to top that all off i am feeling suicidal again.

in the past(this time last year) i tried to kill myself twice in a row. one around jan. 20th and that landed me in the hospital for a week, when i got out i tried life for a week or two then tried to off myself again. after taht i realized just how bad i hurt my 2 best friends by doing that so i didnt try again - they're the only reason why i havent tried again but its getting pretty hard to resist the urge to just take a bottle of pills and slip into a hot bath and just drift away. i guess what im trying to say is that i feel exactly like i did last year at this time, like im at the end of my rope and i am just slipping farther down and pretty soon i'm going to fall and, like humpty dumpty, idk who will be able to put me back together again.

i need help and you guys were the only ones who could give me enough to get by in the past, please give me some words of encouragement. some words of advice. some reason why killing myself isnt really worth it.

^ made by AtlantaWonder ^

She can\'t remember a time when she felt needed
If love was red then she was color blind
leave me be, while i rot and die, in the corner, under the blanket that you gave me when you lied and told me i ment something
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