Well I just started college this year. And i also just started this job that I love at a cattle auction, because I miss working on the ranch back home, and it's great to get out of the college town.. anyways 3 weeks ago a new guy started working there, the first time I saw him I was like ..omg marry me. He had the build I love in guys, beautiful eyes, cute hair.. and even though I was covered in cow crap he introduced himself to me..and since then has flirted with me and seems like a great guy. I ignored it at first since he is related to everyone who owns the auction and works there (and i worry to much what others would think or say), plus I wasn't sure how old he was... but this week I really got to talking to him and I admit we had some easy to see flirting going on, and for once I flirted back. Mind you this is working 10+ hours, so in the end of the day he was sharing stories with me about when he was in college.
He was going to college, had a house, and the stuff he needed and he was completely robbed of everything he owned. He fell apart, quit college and went back home. anyways after more talking I find out he has two kids!
The way it came and went out of the conversation seemed like it was a pre-warning to me so it didn't shock me later on, and he seemed nervious how i'd react to it.
Now I don't honestly know if this guy is single, but for sure not married... But the vibe I'm getting is that he is single, and his past was in a rut and he's recovering.. which happens (i'm just getting over major depression from something that happened to me four years ago). I was shocked at first..and thought.. damn, so much for hooking up with this guy.. But I got to thinking about my mom who had me when she was 21. The sitution in which I came into this world was quite the scandel (product of an affair (part of the 4 year depression)) and she is a good person. And I hated men when I was growing up because they turned the other way when they found out about me. So how can I judge this guy when I don't even the story behind it.
I could tell at first he was turned off from my young age at first, but I've always been wise beyond my years and thats something everyone sees, no matter how much I miss my ignorant days. And there is one good thing here. I know he is supporting these kids.. my BIGGEST fear in my future relationships is if the guy will make a good father or not someday... I never want my childern to face the pain I went through being fatherless... should I ever have childern.. This is a fear that has worried me for a long time, and until just recently had me positive to the fact that I never wanted childern.. but then I met my nephew.
Should something happen with this I would of course go into it carefully and slow. I have gone into this suddle and slow (unlike the past to deal with emotions) because I have gotten into a point in my life where I am looking for a serious love, not fun and games. I will of course hold fast to my schooling no matter what happens, I have my dreams and if anyone tries to hold me back.. good bye to them...
I can't get this guy out of my head.. if my vibes are right.. I think I want to go for it and see where it takes me.