Ok this is exact email exept one email i elft out with her cell phone didnt think i should post that
ok here goes...
Please tell me what you think
Hi its Alex Oxford from camp and you told me that if i ever needed to talk to you ... well enoough said please read this...
sorry if i said anything about you that you didnt want me to say i was just trying to get some help . . . that pretty much sums it all up
i knew i was not eating as much as i should so today i kept a count and found that up to right now ive only have 290 calories, not including dinner : breakfeast: a whole celery stick
lunch- coke zero 0 cals
chicken sandwich on whole wheat bread : 180 cals [max, bread is 60 cals each ,not a lot o chicken at all]
a whole celery stick
i pretty much eat a super dooper small dinner too so its lookin at 500 calories today :-<
What the hell are you doing??
I have thought about you so much that night we talked and since camp
ended. I tried emailing you a couple of times, but they were all
bounced back for some reason. First of all, I want to say that I am
here for you and ready to listen at ANYTIME. You can call me or im on
AIM (stacym0402) or email whenever you want to talk.
Second on all, what I am about to tell you you already know. What you
are doing is unhealthy, and you are going to hurt yourself if you
haven't already. From a nutritionists point of view, your body is not
receiving enough calories (=energy) to function properly. This is
extra-scary because of where you are in this stage of physical
development. Things are happening in your body now that affect the
rest of your life, and if you don't have enough fat, protein, etc to
make those processes happen, then you may possibly stunt yourself for
the rest of your life. (I won't go into it here, but I'm still dealing
with the physical effects of development caused by the anorexia.) And
this is NOT something you want to be dealing with in the years to come.
What is going on?? Why are you doing this to yourself? What is going
to happen when you reach your goal weight?? Is that automatically
going to make you the popular guy in school? Is life suddenly going to
be perfect?? I want you to talk to me about this.
Please, please, please keep in touch with me. Let me know what's going
on with you and let me know how I can help. Alex, you are WAY too
smart and awesome to let something like this control your life.
Well the fact that i have lost weight EVERY week since ive left camp doing it the way i have been doing it has driven me to keep doing what im doing. when i left i was eating just as i was now and i JUST realized how little i was eating. oh and happy halloween! im 158 and my goal weight is 140, as the doctors said when we asked her what i should be at she said below 150, not below 140 . . . when i reach my goal weight i PLAN on starting to eat a little more every day, not just totally purging back into eating normally. the email i gave you was wrong, it was cancelled while i was at camp for some reason [email protected]
is my new one. Ive been trying REALLY hard to exersize too, i run 45 minutes a day during pe, straight, nonstop. EVERY day of the week. Thats like a ReAlLy good workout, no? but then when i come home i just automatically do my homework, do my chores, then take my bike out, its just really fun i mean cmon what should i start doing, not exersize as much? i havent been swimming as mucha s i did the first month as i came back.. but i HAVE been going ot more when i come home.
Is it possible to be addicted to exersize? i mean really, we do about 70 jumping jacks when im in PE and i swear i could do at least a thousand. we hit 70 and i just want to keep going it just feels so good same with running! i just keep on going! I mean i love it, im flying through the air and im gliding its awesome. i think i have some nose problem though because when ig et my heart rate up and i try to breathe in my nose out my mouth my nose really hurts, just like it feels when you suck some water up your now, thus i have to breathe in and out my mouth and i cant go as long.
Im drinking lots of water too? I seriousley didn't realize this was how i was eating and yet im STUFFED after breakfeast, lunch and dinner, seriousley. If i took another bite i would gag. Weird how it is when im not eating a lot but yaknow...
A Positive outcome of this.. i have 'inspired' about 12 of my teachers and they have created a contest to see who loses the most amount of weight at the end of the week, i got my PE teacher to lose 14 pounds already!
As i said before, i thought i was eating right when i came home? but even when i AM looking at the calorie count, which now at night is up to about 550 i am still stuffed.
Why the celerie you might ask? well it tasted REALLY good, has fiber, and helps digestion i remember i heard? plus its low cal, and better then eating no breakfeast at al which is what i normally would do if nothing healthy was around. Occasionally i will eat a lowfat yogurt for breakfeast, but i DO try to get my dairy in somehow throughout the day.
as i said earlier i told you i am like becoming addicted to exersize. this is not how you said you were, i am not eating then totally running it off, i am just totally into running and stuff. Is randomly every 30 minutes getting up and doing 2 sets of situps, pushups, leg lifts, abdominal exersizes unormal? before i went to camp i would say so but now it just doesn't seem like that. eek, have I changed? i mean REALLY ive lost 3 pounds last week which was even more then at camp and that Is a little odd i have to admit, and even alst week i would have about 800 cals a day and not 500.
I read that if ou get extremely dizzy when you stand up its a sign of being anorexic. one morning i was jsut standing around i almost faitned, it was pretty scary. But it wasntl ike the day before i wasnt eating or anything! In fact that happened all while i was having a super huge breakfeast! well super huge for me, it would fill me up, about a half cup of milk and cup of cereal. not really a lot but i dont know anymore how much im eating because of my stomach. i eat lunch and dinner? i pack my own lunch? am i not doing this right? i am doing everything i was told to do at camp whats wrong gah!
i KNOW i am not eating enough but i dont FEEL like im eating enough. i havent had ANY problems thinking, i mean cmon i got ALL a's last report ard, lowest grade was a 94.
And just for you to know i am NOT popular but i havent been made fun of ONCE not even ONCE and that feels REALLY good. If someone makes fun of me now for being fat i can make fun of them with their poor eyesight...
when i look at myself and say wow im 160? i still think im like 200 back at camp. How is it i have only 20 morepounds to lose? thats about 4 months at the rate im going. I mean when i look at my legs they are extremely huge,exept the lower part, those are like TOTALLY built with muscle and it looks like its sculpted with perfection. My tricepts ar ehuge and my biceps are huge because of my impulsive 30 minute workouts ...i wish all that flab of skin would go away though! its really annoying! so 20 pounds is 4 basketballs of fat, if i could just section it out i would have to put it on my waist, my thighs my legs and my all around torso ... 'slimspiration' is nobody and now has become myself. I thrive to be able to see my ribs like every other average weight teen, i DONT want to see my veins popping out all over my arms.
when i DO stop it wont be sudden i will just slowley start eating more every day when i am about 145ish then i dont have the omg my body is in shock deal. My body isnt in shock now . . . it HASNT been i mean cmon id be hungry wouldnt I? I am NEVER hungry but stuffed when i finish eating which might be the reason why i dont eat so much, but i dunno
you tell me?
Sincerely/best of/love/ty for ur help,
I don't know whether to cry or scream or what. NOTHING you have
written here is healthy, and it makes me sad because I see a lot of
myself and what I went through in what you are saying. I would much
rather talk to you about this on the phone or on im...
Just so you know, it's great to have a plan, but it's not going to
work. I thought I would do the same thing: set a goal weight, reach
that goal, and maintain. It doesn't work like that. The control you
want so bad begins to control you & there's NOT ONE THING you can do
about it. You are getting dizzy when you stand up because your blood
sugar is so low. That is NOT good. I don't want to scare you, but you
need to understand how dangerous what you are doing to yourself is.
Your body is not getting enough energy (calories) in to keep up with
basic functions. To compensate, the body has this great mechanism to
keep itself alive: it starts "eating" itself. Even though you are
exercising a lot (which we'll come back to), you are losing muscle so
that your body can perform basic life functions. Again, I don't want
to scare you, but most anorexics die because of heart problems. Your
heart is a muscle & it's "eaten" right along with all of your other
muscles. I'm sure your blood pressure has dropped dramatically since
you started this... That's the first step to problems.
The addiction to exercise is just another obsession that comes along
with all of this. You cannot maintain your level of activity with the
amount you are eating. Anyone who is growing and/or mobile should not
consume ANY LESS than 1200 calories/day. That's A LOT more than you're
eating now and still no where near the amount that you should actually
be consuming. Losing 3 lbs/week is NOT HEALTHY. I remember the rush I
used to get when I got on the scale and saw that it had gone down. You
need to learn to overcome this. It's great to be excited about an
accomplishment, but at this rate, you won't be able to enjoy your
"accomplishment" much longer.
Congratulations on the good grades. Geez, you sound just like me
It has taken me my whole life to begin to see what's important, and
grades, weight, etc are not at the top of my list anymore.
We'll talk about this more later. Stacy
i would much rather not talk on the phone sorry =< i will try to get on Aol instant messenger tommorow .. my aim is: magicwand92026 no worries about wrong name or anything like we had with the email, i do want to talk to you so if you get this message before 10 i will be able to talk to you on aim!