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Old November 24th, 2008, 07:26 PM  
The Batman
Banned
 
Name: Thomdam
Join Date: November 13, 2007
Location: Missouri
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 19
Default Re: Jokes and Riddles

You know when you occasionally have a really bad day* and you just need to take it out on someone* don't take it out on someone you know* take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered* saying 'Hello.'

I politely said* 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear* 'Get the right f *** ing number!' and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her* I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her* I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone* I yelled* 'You're an asshole!' and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it* and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks* when I was paying bills or had a really bad day* I'd call him up and yell* 'You're an asshole!'
It always cheered me up.

Then Caller ID was introduced* I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop.

So* I called his number and said* 'Hi* this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID program?'

He yelled* 'NO!' and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said* 'That's because you're an asshole!' and hung up.

One day I was at the store* getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot* but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window* so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later* right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial)* I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole* too. I
said* 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said* 'Yes* it is.' I asked*

'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said* 'Yes* I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd* in Fairfax. It's a yellow duplex* and the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked* 'What's your name?'

He said* 'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked* 'When's a good time to catch you* Don?'

He said* 'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said* 'Listen* Don* can I tell you something?'

He said* 'Yes?'

I said* 'Don* you're an asshole!'

Then I hung up* and added his number to my speed dial* too. Now* when I had a problem* I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea.

I called asshole #1; he said* 'Hello.'

I said* 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked* 'Are you still there?'

I said* 'Yeah.'

He screamed* 'Stop calling me.'

I said* 'Make me.'

He asked* 'Who are you?'

I said* 'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said* 'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said* 'Asshole* I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd* in Fairfax* a yellow duplex* I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said* 'I'm coming over right now* Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said* 'Yeah* like I'm really scared* asshole*' and hung up. Then I called Asshole #2. He said* 'Hello?'

I said* 'Hello* asshole.'

He yelled* 'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said* 'You'll what?'

He exclaimed* 'I'll kick your ass!'

I answered* 'Well* asshole* here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.' Then I hung up and immediately called the police* saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd* in Fairfax* and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six
cop cars* an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.
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