I feel like I'm going to snap and hurt someone.
Everyday since six years ago, my depression and anger get stronger everyday. Most people cannot understand my feelings, and those that do slightly try to say that my problem is caused by someone else. That gets me mad because I spent so much time trying to talk to them how I feel, but the words never come out right. Then I just get more mad.
I went to a psychiatrist for a while but it only helped temporarily, because other events re-sparked my fury and depression. When people see me in a "happy mood" it's just a cover up. I rarely get truely happy, and that is what makes me angrier every day, always thinking I'll never be normal. I even tried doing tantra I learned from a substitute teacher and I cannot keep focused because of my ADD/ADHD. Finally whenever I do get relaxed and focused on something I like, I always get interrupted and feel like ripping the head off of whoever disturbed my retreat.
I don't know how much longer I can keep my anger supressed. Even the smallest things can bring me to use all my anger and break something or get the intention to kill someone. I've tried everything I could think of over these 6 years and I don't know how long my mind will hold until I snap. I've tried talking to my dad about getting pills but he keeps saying I act fine, but I keep telling him what I just said and he doesn't believe me.
Anyone have any suggestions of something I should try? I feel like if anything worse happened in my life right now, I would just break down and either kill myself or someone else.
I don't want to fully express myself to my dad because I feel very awkward, plus if he did understand, it would cost money to try and help me get better. He hardly has any money and I don't want him to worry about me and use the rest of what he does to help me get better. I don't have any really good friends who I can sit down and talk to with and understand, because most of the people in my school and immature and not very grown up. I'm not sure what else to do anymore...