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Old January 3rd, 2018, 02:57 AM   #3
NewLeafsFan
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Name: Cedrick
Join Date: December 14, 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Gender: Male
Default Re: Aggressive mother

Quote:
Originally Posted by jessica653 View Post
Hi, my mother has been extremely hot tempered for many years now and I'm looking for advice. As an example I'll explain the latest outburst that happened just now.

Due to a power cut, my mum told me to wait in her room which had battery powered candles. When she discovered I'd accidentally left the room with a candle on when the power returned she began screaming at me. I get that I was wrong to leave the light but her reaction was way over the top. I make no exaggeration that she was screaming her lungs out. I turned of the light and apologised honestly, but she then became even more angry that I hadn't also apologised for the fact that the TV was on. I tried to explain that it must have been left on standby by the last person to use it and it automatically restarted when the power returned. She cut me off and carried on yelling at me, accusing me of turning on the TV to spite her, before storming off and yelling at my dad for the mere existence of the power cut.

I know this sounds like a 'bad day,' but incidents like this happen on a daily basis in my house (yesterday she swore at me because a book on my shelf was facing the wrong way) and have greatly harmed my relationship with my mother. This was actually a minor incident, as she often makes very personal insults to me and my dad about our life decisions (to cut a long story short me and my dad are both introverts, and my mother tells me not to have children as I will spread my quiet disposition creating a child so needy I will be unable to work. She also mocks me for wanting to go into social work, telling me a career like that will be so low paying I will be forever dependant on her.) The thing about her accusing us of trying to spite her when minor mishaps happen is also a daily occurrence. Having a mature conversation with her about her emotions is pointless. She usually forgets even the most cold of comments she makes to me moments afterwards and accuses me of lying to (surprise, surprise) spite her. Even when she remembers she tells me what she says are 'home truths.' Sometimes she accuses me of being selfish by trying to talk to her about a topic that may cause her emotional distress. Talking to my dad provides temporary comfort but no long term solutions, he's terrified of her as well.

I really don't want to get anyone else involved, and I don't want to have to separate myself from her either. She's still my mother and I love her. How can I calm her down?
Does your father live with you? If not, move in with him at least until your mother gets help. She is clearly mentally unwell and is in need of urgent medical intervention. Allowing yourself to take this abuse is unhealthy. Letting her abuse you is making her think that her irrational behaviour is normal and acceptable, which it is not.

Like I mentioned, your mother is sick. But if your dad is mentally well and allowing this abuse to happen to you, then shame on him. She's sick. What's his excuse?


Canada / Sport Management (Hockey) Major / Straight / Left-Wing Progressive / 18 yrs old

Cedrick Desjardins
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