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Old October 31st, 2017, 03:58 PM   #1
bougainvillea's Forum Picture
Name: shanie
Join Date: December 3, 2015
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Default I need help, but I don't want to get it

I know one fact: I'm really ill, mentally. Many of you probably know this too. Many, many posts about my instability and hatred for life has been heavily documented and posted on this site. Currently it feels like I have no light at the end of my tunnel. The only person IRL who truly knows the extent of what's going on with me mentally is my girlfriend, and she's struggling really hard and she doesn't know what else to do. She wants me to get help but I just refuse to help myself. I keep thinking, what if my family find out? what if the doctors just want to give me therapy? i don't want therapy. i don't have time for therapy. None of my family actually see this side of me, like at all: they always just call me a moody teenager which doesn't really help things. I feel the need to constantly fake in front of them 24/7, it's even harder with my dad because I still have way too much pressure on myself to come out. But I digress. I don't want to get help myself. The initial conversation with a doctor sounds way too difficult and I really don't feel comfortable talking to them about it. What can I do? Any help appreciated really.

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