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Old October 10th, 2017, 05:50 AM   #3
AussieNicholas's Forum Picture
Name: Nicholas
Join Date: August 8, 2016
Location: Victoria, Australia
Age: 19
Gender: Cisgender Male

Originally Posted by BlackParadePixie View Post
Well....yeah, I mean that's what school is supposed to do. Prepare you for the real world. What did you think adult life was going to be like? Fun and games, 24/7? Unless you happen to win the lottery or something, it's not. You gotta work hard for yourself in order to support whatever sort of lifestyle you want.
I didn't think it would be like this constantly. The workload just doesn't seem to end and I feel like this is all it's going to be. I'm not asking to just be let off easy but I would like to at least be able to devote some of my time to things that aren't school related. I'd even be able to deal with not doing well in every class and focus on the classes that'll help most but my school is constantly trying to get involved in the lives of students and pressure them into feeling like there life's going to be shit if they don't do well in every subject. I don't feel like it's unreasonable to feel angry when you have to just give up the stuff you care about completely just for a grade that barely means much. If that's what life is why should I care about living?

I'll admit that school used to be really easy for me and maybe my work ethic isn't great, but I feel like now I just can't meet the standard that the school is asking of me without being burned out and exhausted.

I'm just going to add this second post because I realise I went off on a rant there and didn't explain myself well. I just want to state that I've had suicidal thoughts as far back as January 2016, and for about a year and a half this mentality was constant. I'd just feel anxious about coming to school, and for a while I couldn't really talk to anyone about it because I've never really been a social person and communicating with others was hard for me and still is. I've gotten crap from my dad for this all the time in the past, where he would get angry at me because I'm not very social and I feel like I could never argue back without getting into more trouble. At school I felt like everyone secretly wanted me gone, because I know I can be a bit awkward at times and sometimes I get signs that people don't want to talk to me. It's also not easy for me to empathize with other people and I don't feel any personal connection to even my own family (I know that sounds horrible but I don't see how I can really change this). I feel guilty because I'm not the person my parents wish I was and between this and school I don't get much of a break from the stress. This has led to me getting angry easily to the point where some friends have stopped talking to me. I know I've contributed to some of these issues myself but I don't believe I'm being lazy here and I'm sorry if that's the impression I gave. I want to be able to manage my own life but I feel like there's just no way for me to meet the kind of standard everyone expects from me. I hope this clears things up.

Last edited by Living For Love; October 10th, 2017 at 09:30 AM. Reason: Merging. Please use "Edit" button next time.
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