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Old October 5th, 2017, 10:11 PM   #1
Solvez18's Forum Picture
Join Date: July 6, 2011
Location: On a Planet
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Default I think I'm set up to fail

I hate doing these kind of threads but I guess if someone's reading this then they probably care atleast a little bit. I'm not sure what to do anymore and people keep putting me down so I figured I might as well try here one last time for some kind of sympathy. I probably don't deserve it and I know there's people who probably need a helping hand more than I do.

Simply put I've never really believed I'm capable of achieving anything and I'm not raising my hopes anytime soon. I've had a pretty shit childhood and alot of problems in my family growing up. I never did well in school and that's something I'm beginning to put more blame on my dyslexia for. School was always difficult for me because I've never really done well in class unless it's something that truly interested me. That all changed in High School where I began to saw school as something I disliked more and more because of people surrounding me and the attitude from teachers or even because of my ability to pay attention and learn. I blame myself for my own failure in school of course and I blame my dyslexia equally. It's hard for me to learn something I don't have interest in and that includes most things. I'm not in school right now obviously and I dropped out on my second to last year after I failed my exams and had to repeat the year. I came so close to completion of my subjects that going back to school felt like a waste of time when I can do it outside of school in less time. I still have yet to do any of that since I left school in 2015.

I felt embarrased by my qualifactions I left school with to get a job but luckily I managed to grab one through a family member. It was nothing special at all but for a first job it was rather decent. I was doing that for about a year before I was kicked out for redundancy. I've been unemployed since then and it's been maybe 5 months now since I last went to work. I don't want to go back to searching for a job because I still have yet to start driving which I'm incredibly worried about. I'm convinced my eye sight's depth perception is more 2D so judging distance is difficult for me which I believe could be dangerous in driving. I've been to an optometrist for a simple eye test and they believe I'm fine for driving. But what's getting me down the most is I've grown up without any friends that have stuck around (mostly because they all left the country) and I've always felt alone. I've never really had someone to talk to comfortably. I'm constantly put down for not having a job and getting nowhere in school. I'm trying right now to push myself into learning Python so I can eventually get somewhere with software development. But again my dyslexia and comprehension is dragging me back. If I try to push myself to pay attention I'll end up distracting myself in some way and everything just flies over my head.

Doing things as simple as going outside by myself also gives me the worst possible stomach aches for a reason I still can't possibly understand. Being social with other people has become a rare occurence and even going to the movies by myself is stressful. I spend most of my time sitting at a computer screen doing nothing but talking to people overseas who I'll probably never get a chance to meet all day. My life's just passing infront of me and I don't know what to do. It seems I'm limited not only by my abilities but my actual body forcing me to stay indoors. Even going to work when I had a job gave me the worst upset stomachs.

I understand if it's difficult for anyone to try and give me any advice here or if it's hard to suggest anything I can do for my own future. I feel like I'm screwed based on my qualifications and pushing myself into learning something with any difficulty in understanding really makes it hard for me to get through. I don't like living amongst family living off of them without giving anything back. I don't like how 12 years of school have treated me. I don't like I can't take care of myself properly or even drive myself around. I want to change but I've got such a bad self esteem and terrible confidence in myself that even trying to motivate myself is difficult. I need help but I can't get any and I want to help myself but it's killing me inside. I want to change but doing something as simple as that to me is like reaching for the stars.

Last edited by Solvez18; October 5th, 2017 at 10:18 PM. Reason: Grammar
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