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Old September 11th, 2017, 10:54 PM   #29
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Dalcourt's Forum Picture
Name: Peanut
Join Date: February 25, 2014
Location: Crescent City
Gender: Neutral
Blog Entries: 4
Default Re: Feeling at war with yourself - my bipolar diary

I'm feeling positive and at the same time I'm feeling bad. It's like I can't decide.

I know I should be happy but I just live in fear everyday of some heavy blow to come.
I try to relax but panic is always scratching and nibbling on my darker corners. I just don't know what is wrong...I so wish for some stability, some peace of mind...but it just doesn't happen for me.

Every new day seems such a challenge...I don't know why...I can't figure it out.
I just want to save this tiny piece of normal I have now for a while longer but every phone call, every ring of the door bell.... I don't know how to describe it...but it's a constant fear of my life as it is now being ripped away from me at any second.

This fear is poisoning all my thoughts, keeps me from relaxing and enjoying what I have at the moment.
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