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Old August 29th, 2017, 06:34 PM   #1
Sere's Forum Picture
Name: Sere
Join Date: June 28, 2017
Location: in a dusty computer
Gender: Gender Queer
Blog Entries: 4
Red face I did something (yay)

I'm gonna start this off now.

So I decided yesterday or something around there that I was gonna try to abstain from any sort of self harm for a while.
Then last night I died inside quite a bit facing some of the truth.
During a painful day of class today I decided I was gonna wreck my leg for all the pain I was feeling in my head.
Though after school today I thought of how I was trying to start a new period of life without harming for a while.
So I decided after a little while of contemplation that as a symbol and mark in my head that I should remove my blades and other self harm tools.
I sat on my bed for a while listening to music thinking if I could really do it as for the past while I hadn't been able to make a week.
I knew that I needed to go fourth.

Taking a drink can I wrote the names of all those here who helped me through pain spoken and unspoken.
Blades got into my pocket and so does the can.
I notify people that I'll be leaving the house for a bit and hop on my bike for I don't plan on driving on the road.
Biking away onto a dirt trail with thick bordering brush and scarce trees.

Arriving upon the spot where the trail meets the river I put the blades into the can and throw it into the river never to be seen again.
I hop onto my bike and notice a man and a woman walking on the trail. One of them commenting on my Rick and Morty shirt (not knowing what it was)

I quickly bike onto a path, a cement one this time and head back to my house.
Just to head upstairs open my laptop and begin this post.

Now does this mean I'll never hurt myself again?
I wish. but I'm guessing there will be a time in the future when I will begin again. But this is a symbol, a tick in my head that will be a reminder whenever I want to hurt myself.

I still feel horrible and everything as I talked about in my last big post in the ward.
Stuck in the shell of my past self and mistakes with a need to get out, which I have plans on doing at some point but still not soon enough.
Facing the truth was the hardest thing I've done in a while though it'll help me soon enough once I am out of this miserable state.

But anyway thank you for reading to the end. Thank you to everyone who helped me, related to me, worked with me and anyone to come.
I hope for anyone that is harming can get rid of the devices and be free for a time.

Thank you.
I hope people actually see this and it doesn't end up in unanswered posts

I used to be hjhj

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