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Old August 22nd, 2017, 11:08 PM   #1
gherkin2pickle
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Name: Bre
Join Date: July 24, 2016
Gender: Female
Default Had a small relapse

One of my best friends was having a tough time the other night. He was super stressed out about school starting soon and about some choices he's gotta make and how he's always fighting with his parents and younger sisters. I did my best to calm him down and give him advice. I told him that nothing was his fault and that things would be better the next day (it was around midnight and he normally goes to bed early, so I knew he was tired). He thanked me and went to bed. Afterwards though, after I helped him out, I just had a sudden urge to self harm again. I hadn't for a while. But this overwhelming sense of sadness and self loathing just kinda showed up out of nowhere. I felt drained, empty. I felt like I hadn't done enough for him and that he only said thank you out of pity and annoyance. I find that this happens a lot to me. After helping out someone who is struggling with something, I get really depressed. I feel so bad that they have to go through whatever it is and that they don't deserve it. And that I don't deserve them, because they're so strong and their ability to push through it WITHOUT hurting themselves like I do is so admirable.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is that if anybody else feels this way. I have great friends but, sometimes I feel more alone than I've ever been. I helped a friend in need, and have a big friction burn on my arm to show for it. Pathetic, am I right?
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