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Old June 21st, 2017, 10:54 PM   #10
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Name: Peanut
Join Date: February 25, 2014
Location: Crescent City
Gender: Neutral
Blog Entries: 4
Default Re: Feeling at war with yourself - my bipolar diary

I had an ugly fight with a very good friend yesterday.
It upset me a lot...nearly threw me back into self-harming. Luckily I didn't give in.

Fighting with someone you thought you like and you thought likes you is a strange thing. It makes you realise a lot about yourself.
Why did I get mad? He dumps all his problems on me, expectsome solutions from me and I give it? Sure with everything I can.
Do I get a thank you? Is he there for me when I need something? No...
So after a couple of frantic texts and calls I couldn't help but tell him being friends is not just about taking but also about giving.

He got real mad ... like real mean mad, so I just stopped talking to him. I just didn't feel like getting into useless arguments. This just eats up all my energy.

Getting away from toxic people. My therapist at the hospital told me this is very important.
I just have a tendency to let others use me she told me. I don't know guess it's true. If I once started liking someone I stick to them even if they treat me like crap. She explained how bad this is for I don't have a high opinion of myself...stuff like that.
Well guess that's the story of my life.
So I was told if a relationship gets toxic I should stand up for myself and tell the other that I can't go on like that.

So I kinda did to my friend. He got nasty since he is used to my just running at his command. I didn't feel like discussing anymore. So I stayed home and didn't answer or even look at my phone.

Today I got a lengthy text message as apology. He promised he'd do better.
Do I believe him? Not I get back with him? Sure...old habits die hard.
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