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Old June 12th, 2017, 05:46 AM   #7
Dalcourt
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Name: Peanut
Join Date: February 25, 2014
Location: Crescent City
Gender: Neutral
Blog Entries: 4
Default Re: Feeling at war with yourself - my bipolar diary

The fine line between mania and happiness.
I have been in a dark place of self doubt and depression for a long time. But finally there is the sun again.
It all started out with this after church discussion. It gave me a lot of confidence and showed me who I am and that I really want the right thing.
Hyped like that I had my happy fuzzy feeling all day.
As I said elsewhere I did some quite irresponsible shopping and alarming signal of feeling high and mania settling in. I also did some thinking and found I had to ban some really unhealthy factors from my life. I tried to feel my way through this...is it just a whim during mania? Would I regret it later? I was really frightened to wake up this morning and realise I made a huge mistake.

So not really sleeping much and not feeling the need to another bad sign.
Finally slept and waking up I felt great.

I was right. I feel good. I feel free.
A person I truly love told me: you know who you are and I know who you really are...so just fuck the rest.
I don't need to try to be someone else to be like. I don't need to lie and swallow other people's shit just to be liked.

So for once after a long time I feel genuinely happy. I'm relieved of a burden I know where I stand and where I wanna go. Everything feels right. I'm doing good.
At last.
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