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Old February 1st, 2017, 01:39 PM   #1
parhelion
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Name: Tyler
Join Date: January 29, 2017
Location: Kansas, USA
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Default Male and don't know what's wrong with me.

Eating disorders are usually found among females, but here I am, a male who somehow went off the deep end into eating disorder territory.

When I was really little, I remember not liking food: mainly because we were so poor that we had cereal for breakfast and pasta for lunch, over and over again.

My father spent all our money on alcohol, so when I saw him getting what he wanted and my mother and I getting nothing, I made a mental connection. That connection was that I didn't deserve food.

It taught me that I couldn't enjoy food. Even things that tasted good made me feel guilty. Eventually, food just stopped tasting good. I ate to stay alive, but for no other reason.

And then in sixth grade (I am a sophomore in high school now), I stopped eating completely. I only ate once a day, and soon it was one meal per week. In eighth grade, I was 5'3" (160 cm) and 80 lbs (36.28 kg). That's extremely unhealthy as the average person that height is anywhere from 20-60 pounds heavier.

But then, that year, my gym teacher took my weight and said that was really unhealthy and she may have to report that to my parents (who somehow didn't notice I was 20 pounds below average). I said that my parents were really skinny growing up too, and they just needed to fill out. That I would do the same.

That's when I decided I had to turn things around. Since it was August, I decided to join cross country. Since the exercise would produce endorphins, it would make me happier and motivate me to get healthier. I started eating two meals per day, then I bumped it up to three, then three and a snack, and then three and two snacks. I gained 20 pounds that year, and there was more to come the next year. A lot of it was muscle from cross country and marching band, so it wasn't much fat, which I knew I'd feel self-conscious about.

I did it all by myself. I relapsed all by myself, too.

This year, I set up a schedule for my snacks. I ate one during third period honors chemistry (as long as we weren't doing a lab) and one directly after school. My third period teacher took it upon himself to say "Geez, do you eat like this all the time? You're gonna get fat if you eat that much!" And even though I possess the logical thinking skills to realize that he didn't have all the evidence or know anything about my eating habits, instead I relapsed. And here I am. Not exercising at all, still losing weight. Lost 10 lbs last month and I now weigh 90.

I'm seriously scared, but I still can't bring myself to enjoy food. Any tips?

please think of me
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