Not sure if Stephen will like this one or not but here goes
I heard this one in Church the other day while Father was giving the homily.
There was a woman. She lived an apartment and was very lonely. She was never married and had very little friends. So, she decides to go to her local pet store for an animal so that she wouldn't be so lonely.
She goes to the pet store and asks what animal would be good for a person that is very lonely.
The store owner says "Ah! I know just what you need! You need this parakeet. A bird is a perfect animal for someone that's lonely." The woman was very excited and paid for the bird and rushed to the apartment. She set up the bird's cage and for two weeks the bird stood there and didn't say a word and did nothing but stare with his beedy little eyes at the woman.
So she goes back to the pet store and complains saying "The bird doesn't talk or anything. I think I deserve my money back." So the store owner says "I know what you need! You need this bell. Bird's love to play with bells. They ring them and will squack whenever it's rung."
So she buys the bell and sets it up in the bird's cage. But, the birds is still standing there on it's perch staring with it's small eyes. The woman was very frustrated now and demanded that her money be returned. So the store owner said "You need this bird swing. Bird's always have fun on these little swings."
So she buys it and sets it up in the cage. The bird is still on his perch staring at her. So in complete anger she storms off to the pet store and tries to force the money back to her. So the store owner says "You need this bird's mirror. Bird's are fooled by these all the time! They think that there is another bird in the room and would usually make movements and be amazed."
So with this last attempt she sets the mirror in the cage and for another two weeks the bird is still perched and staring at her with it's eyes. So she rushes towards the bird's cage and yells out "I'VE BOUGHT YOU EVERYTHING YOU COULD POSSIBLE HAVE! WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME!!!!!!!"
And the bird falls off the perch. And with his last breath he says "Didn't the store have any birdseed?"