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Old July 4th, 2008, 08:14 AM  
kitkat92
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Join Date: April 26, 2008
Location: London
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Default Re: Jokes and Riddles

Lol yh... More?

Paddy takes his new wife home on his wedding night. She lies on the bed legs spread eagle, naked, and says, "Paddy, you know what I want?" Paddy replies, "yeah, all the freaking bed by the looks of it.....!"



A guy is driving around Dublin when he sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog For Sale ."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yes," the Lab replies.

"So, what's the story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Garda
about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to
country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one
figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for
eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't
getting any younger so I decided to settle down.
I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of
medals. I got married, had a load of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for
the dog.

"Ten euros." the man says.

"Ten euros? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shite."







Paddy had been killed in a housefire and as he had no family his two best friends were asked to go down to the morgue to identify him. Murphy goes in first..."Ewww...his face is too burnt to tell, turn him over..." They did so.
"Nope, that's not Paddy."
Seamus came in next and did the same thing, had them turn him over..."No, that's not our Paddy."
"How can you tell?" asked the pathologist.
"Paddy has two anuses"
"Two anuses??...how do you know that?"
"Well when the three of us go out for a pint I've heard many say ..'There's Paddy with the two ars*holes.'"





A man is on trial for murdering his wife and her lover.He is being asked questions in the dock...
"Did you murder your wife with a spanner??"
"Yes, M'Lud."
Paddy (his neighbour) shouts from the public gallery..."Bastard...you bastard!!"
"And did you also batter Mr Smith's head with a spanner?"
"Yes, M'lud."
"Bastard!..You total BASTARD!!"shouts Paddy again.
The judge says, "I know it's a heinous crime but try to keep some order in the gallery."
"Paddy shouts.."How many times have I asked you to borrow a spanner and you said you didn't have one!?!"

Underground_Network is my penguin.
japanman is my son.
[crazy]girl, cslag, kerry, walkin_contradiction and essasteph are my sisters.
japanman is my brother.
fourseasons is my cousin.
If anyone ever needs someone to talk to PM me
kitkat92 is offline   Reply With Quote