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Old March 1st, 2015, 06:13 PM   #1
Deleted User
Legendary Member
Join Date: August 28, 2010
Gender: Undisclosed
Default How did you notice/bring it up?

I'm getting really bad. I've always been kinda obsessive but not in a way I thought was a mental illness. But OCD is co-morbid with basically everything I have so a part of me just wonders...

I worry a lot. I've been diagnosed with multiple anxiety disorders so another would not be surprising. I've always thought bad things would happen. I've been terrified of fires, home invasions, etc, so I'd go around checking the locks, making sure everything was turned off, etc. I thought I was just being a safe kid in a not-so-safe city. I still have nightmares about these things and I can't stop thinking about them. And it's intrusive. It freaks me the fuck out and I do take anti-anxiety medication so it's toned down a bit but now I'm getting worse with other things, like hand washing.

I never liked to get dirty but I was kinda "eh" about washing my hands when I was younger. I'm washing my hands about ten times a day, if not more. My hands are always dry. Won't be a bad thing for work 'cause I'll be working with food and hand washing there is obsessive anyway. But I feel like I'll just get more freaked out. I can't touch certain kinds of food. I can't touch garbage cans, even the clean sides. I so much as feel something on my hands I don't recognize, I have to wash them. And if I'm in my kitchen, I can't dry my hands with the towels under the sink, 'cause they're right next to the garbage can or I feel like I have to wash my hands again because they're "contaminated" so to speak. I get all... itchy? Like my skin is crawling, if I try not to wash my hands. Like when I'm cooking, a bit of egg white won't kill me but I get antsy if it's not off my hands fast enough. And I don't understand why. I shouldn't get anxious about stuff touching me. But I do and it's like it's worse suddenly and I don't even know when it started. I'm trying not to do things like use specifically different towels or wash my hands after touching every single thing but I just feel so very wrong if I don't. I almost want to start wearing gloves to do certain things but someone would notice.

I've always had quirks and I figured, eh, it's not a big deal, I'm just fussy. But this is now noticeably interfering with things. If I'm away from home, I start obsessively trying to wipe my hands clean on my clothes. It's just my hands but... ugh. I don't like it. I feel gross and wrong and worried and I have no idea where this is coming from. Should I just try to snap out of it or how do I even bring this up? "Hey doc, I wash my hands a lot and it's scaring me"?

Ugh. I don't want OCD on top of everything else. I can't deal with another thing stressing me out.
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