View Single Post
Old January 22nd, 2014, 02:09 PM   #1
New Member
Join Date: January 22, 2014
Gender: Undisclosed
Default Do I really suffer from OCD?

Hum...hi, I just needed a nice forum with people my age who can give me some help and/or advice.

So, several bad things occurred in my life lately and since everything was so fast and almost at the same time, I think that might have triggered some anxiety issues and a slight hypochondria. Now I don't really care much about being stressed or physical diseases but there are these awful intrusive and obssessive thoughts. I can't get rid of them and that makes me even more anxious. It's kinda similar to when I thought I had deadly diseases. For example, a few days ago I thought "Hey, how come don't I find the idea of kissing a girl as disgusting as I should? Maybe it's normal, right? Hormones and stuff...I mean, a few hours ago I was talking to my friends about cute guys. But what if I'm a lesbian? Oh my god, I'm a lesbian! I don't wanna be like that!" and I got really scared and anguished 'cause I thought that I could change my sexuality over night (please note that I don't have any kind of aversion to homossexual people but I like being straight). Since then I've been looking to girls and guys differently and convincing myself that I was a lesbian, even though I know I'm not. I'm affraid of having physical contact with females 'cause I don't want to feel anything but I avoid touching males 'cause I fear not feeling a thing. Another good example could be what happened 1 or maybe 2 hours ago. I was reading about gay OCD (I suspect that might be what I have) and I discovered there are more kinds of sexual related intrusive thoughts. One that really caught my attention was this thing in which people fear that they might be attracted to children, and guess what? I gained a new irrational fear...again. So, I'm basically a minor and now I kinda fear being attracted to children. Awesome, huh? And finally, two more habits or rituals or whatever you feel like calling them: pressing both mouse buttons relaxes me somehow and sometimes I can't help brushing my teeth twice for some reason.
It's relatively easy for me to control physical actions but when it comes to thoughts, fears, anxiety etc it's very difficult and the most I try to forget them or distract myself the worse it is, but if I don't do anything they won't go away as well. I currently fear almost everything, I fear the fear itself, I'm getting sad and depressed. I don't wanna tell this to my psychologist, it's really embarrassing to me, but I need help at the same time. What do you think? Should I tell someone? Is it just a phase? Will that eventually pass? When I feel relaxed and manage to forget I realize that and it comes back, sometimes worse. I know it's irrational and I get mad at myself for being unable to control it and sometimes I don't even know if I'm insane.

Thanks for reading

PS: Now my biggest fear is being transgender and today I realized that I like to have the doors either closed or completely opened and I also wear same tone clothes, for example: I hate using dark brown shoes with light brown shirts or even belts.
I don't know if it's just an habit or OCD

Last edited by Dat_Mango; February 2nd, 2014 at 09:34 AM.
Dat_Mango is offline   Reply With Quote