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Old February 11th, 2008, 02:48 AM  
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JustJuss's Forum Picture
Join Date: February 27, 2007
Gender: Female
Default Re: losing it completely

Originally Posted by Prince Jellyfish View Post

Now, how long has this been going on? Did it suddenly happen or has it gotten worse over time? This is an important detail because knowing this will actually aid in treatment.
How long? Well i cant really remember... its developed very gradually, but the first time that i remember hearing a distinct voice was about two yrs ago...

it was a male voice, loud enough that i was unable to listen to anything or anyone else around me, yelling 'Idiot! U Idiot' over and over

i ended up curled into a little ball on the grownd crying and shaking.

Previous to that though i had had voices inside my head talking about me and giving a running commentary, commenting on my surroundings.... it was like a second person/persons inside me.

for a long time i had thought it was normal

Originally Posted by Prince Jellyfish View Post
Now, why I believe that it may be schizophrenia is mainly the voices. However, paranoia and detachment from reality are key parts too. You say that you can't tell what is or isn't ok; that's kind of all I needed to hear to diagnose you.
Well since ive been on this site alot has happened..

ive been put on antipsychotics, initially zyprexa. It was a small dose, too small as it turned out... i was sent to the psychiatric hospital as an involuntry patient because i believed i had a demon in my stomach which i had attempted to cut out... i still have scaring around my belly button and on the back of my neck.

i was in there for a week and a half. They increased my zyprexa and finally agreed to let me have a 'trial home stay', because i was so home-sick, over a weekend to see if i could manage on my own. i did ok at home so they let me out.

since then ive had a full assessment which concluded it was a psychotic episode.... they said they 'didnt want to put any labels on what they thought i had'...

the zyprexa made me pack on weight, so they changed me to neulactil, which gave me a severe ongoing headache for the whole two weeks i was on it, so theyve changed it to Seroquel, which i am still on, so far without side effects.

I went to the Gp for another script a few weeks ago and he needed to have a diagnosis for me in order to write the script.... he read through my files etc etc and diagnosed schizophrenia.

I dont know how definate or how official his diagnosis is, since my psychologist and psychiatrist havnt mentioned it... So to them i think i am still a mystery and undiagnosed.

I could let their reluctance to 'put a label on me' slide, if the treatment was working.... but its not. Since changing to seroquel ive been slowly slipping into another world, which seems more real than the one i am in now.

I am in the middle of changing psychiatrists, because my last one left. I am liking my psychologist less and less each week. She cuts me off when im talking, announces that she 'dissagrees' with what im saying and so i naturally give up trying to talk about it. Furthermore she is really uncomfortable talking about anything that is remotely serious.... My obsession with my own death, the voices i hear everyday, my nightmares, my fear of other people 'invading my mind', and my self harming all go undiscussed and un-noted, left for me to deal with entirely on my own.

Meanwhile i am deteriorating.

All of my hope falls on my new psychiatrist, who i meet in 4 days.. i hope shes nice and listens and dosnt judge me and i hope i am able to trust her...... and most of all i hope she can help me before i end up in hospital again.
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