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Old January 23rd, 2008, 06:53 PM  
New Member
Join Date: December 6, 2007
Gender: Male
Default Re: Depressed about sexual confusion

oh no this week has been so unbelievably bad! I cant seem to differentiate between what is friendship and what is liking someone. I really need some bloody closure on this now but i just cant stop questionin myself. I want my bloody sex drive back for girls. I feel that i dont have the confidence to actually be able to go and meet girls talk to them and jst in general i wonder if i would able to get a hard on if a girl asked me to shag her even tho im havin regular sex wiv my current gf. But even when im performin oral sex this shootin thought comes across my mind 'how do u know u even like this when u r so scared of bein gay' n it just knocks me off pace. Argh! I feel so fuckin pissed off wiv myself 24/7 i just want to beat the insecurity out of me! Humans need closure! I need closure. This isnt me at all! I always know what i want. But men is not on that list! Its like if i say to you now. Dont think of the colour red, what do you do, you think of the colour of course. And all i do all day is think about now being gay. And that if i do allow myself to not think about it then obviously ive given in and i am therefore gay. So im in a catch 22 situation. I know im still young and not yet set in any one particular way but this is just cripplin me now. All i want to do is enjoy my gf and her body, and i do until i get these intrusive thoughts. I also start to twitch when i see a toned lads body. I am not toned n hav always wanted to be. So then this sends me into even deeper bouts of depression. I dont know myself n its drivin me crazy! N the worst thing is, ive brought it on myself! The only sobering thought i give myself is that one day i will be dead and none of this will affect me. I feel the more i talk myself out of it the more talk myself in. I need to stop this vicious circle. Arent things like this supposed to happen wen ur lyk 14 or summit? Comments more than welcome anyway
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