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Old January 20th, 2008, 09:13 PM  
Kaleidoscope Eyes
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Name: Jessi
Join Date: January 20, 2008
Location: California, US
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Default Re: How did you first find out you were gay or bi?

I don't know if I'm bi really, but I've definitely always enjoyed looking at girls. I really think girls got the better end of the stick as far as attractive anatomy goes. I'm still attracted to guys, for sure, but the female body is just so incredibly beautiful. As a kid, I often felt awkward about my feelings towards other girls. I've never been emotionally attracted to one, but for a long time, from age 7-ish until I was almost 13, the first thing I'd see when around a girl around my age or older (this never happened with adults though), was her breasts. And sometimes it was really hard to tear my eyes away and focus on her face like you're supposed to when talking to someone. At first I told myself, "Oh, you're just looking because your jealous that her boobs are bigger than yours", but as I grew and other girls' breasts were about the same size as mine (even smaller in some cases), it didn't stop. Finally I learned some self-control, but I still find myself looking on occasion, when I know no one's watching me do it.
I first noticed a sort of physical attraction to girls at a sleepover when I was about 10. There were a bunch of us there, and Truth or Dare was suggested. We were all terrible at coming up with Truth questions though (and no one wanted to answer the ones we did come up with), so it became just Dare. Just about every girl was dared to strip at one point; just for a few seconds and then they were allowed to put their clothes back on. Everyone was supposed to cover their eyes or look away, the dare wasn't so we could look at each other naked but more to see who trusted us to keep our promise and not look. Well, I started out sneaking peeks as I'm sure the other girls did here and there, just to see if everyone else looked like I did. I'd never seen another girl naked before except my sister, and I was curious. I realized soon enough that we were all pretty much the same (except I was the only one with pubic hair, how mortifying!), and pretty soon I realized something else--when I'd look at the girls, I'd get this warm, sorta tingly feeling "down there". It was new, but not unpleasant, and it subsided when I'd look away. So naturally, I kept watching. One of the girls noticed though and gave me a weird look then whispered "WHAT are you doing?" I followed the rules and kept my eyes covered for the rest of the game, and thankfully she didn't say anything to the other girls about it. From that point on I'd bring up "the dare game" at every sleepover, until the rest of the girls starting hitting puberty and decided they didn't want to play anymore.

I dunno though, is it really bisexuality if the emotional aspect isn't there? I can picture myself messing around with another girl, but not really being in a serious relationship with one and certainly not marrying one. Maybe I just haven't met the right girl who I'd consider dating, but I don't think I will. I'm all guys as far as that goes.

Jessi the Gweat and Tewwible
Do not offend the chair leg of truth. It is wise and terrible.

~Laura was here~
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