It's amazing, though I imagine that you weren't concerned about that when your writing, mostly trying to let it all out, somehow, anyhow.
It's a bad place your in--mentally and physically, I can relate and understand. And I'm sorry your there, please don't take this as pity, it's not meant to be. But you deserve so much more.
“Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.”
-Calvin & Hobbes.