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Old December 18th, 2007, 04:11 PM  
New Member
Join Date: December 6, 2007
Gender: Male
Default Re: Depressed about sexual confusion

the end bit of that last post didnt seem to make much sense. Anyway i thought last week that my gf was pregnant as she was extremely late on. Cos silly me didnt use protection once or twice. Now sex wivout protection is still as good as it used to be. However when i use protection it seems like its totally shit. Excuse the language. I also have something more to add. For example even tho i know how to hav sex n everythin that goes with it i, i know this sounds crazy, i dont understand sex?! Strange i know. I have absolutely no self esteem when thinking about sex but when it comes to it i know exactly what to do. Its like when i used to think about sex it used to get me really turned on but now its jst lyk. Sex.... Big deal so what! Ive done everythin already i can think of to a girl and really enjoyed. But it sorta feels like watchin a repeat on telly. Ya know... U know wat to expect. Anyway ive really drifted from the point. Sometimes when im wiv me dad i jst wanna say 'dad im scared of bein gay' jst to relieve tension from my mind. But i know as soon as i say it that i wont mean it. And somethin else! Goin to town clubin. Gay ppl theyre everywhere! It scares the shit outta me cos its lyk d ppl out of mobile phone adverts. I was actually in a gay bar on saturday night but it was jst where i was meetin a few girlie mates. But then was kicked out for not bein gay. Strange when im this insecure. When i kiss and get really carried away wiv my gf i know i really like it, but then somethin creeps into my mind when i start to think bout it 'how can u enjoy this when ur so insecure about ur sexuality' n it knocks me off my stride. I look at girls and see how absolutely gorgeous some of them are but i think 'i couldnt even imagine shaggin one of them' lyk gettin close to them enuff to do it. I jst reckon im bisexual. N if i can make peace with it i will b okay. It feels lyk sum1 else inside my body. A stranger i dont understand. Definately someone who is not me. Since i was little all i ever wanted was to have a wife and kids in my own home. N then one day it jst stopped after my last serious gf. God knows my current gf turns me on n i find sexual. Ive always been a deep thinker n sum1 said ' does being so deep make any one person depressed?' it was my a level english teacher. N ive always found that if i cant find an answer then i will obsess about it till i find an answer. But what if there isnt one?
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