thanks everyone for your help
its kinda easier during the school week, or when im with my nephew (cos he makes me so happy)
actaully i said this to him when he was 6 months old or something (he is one nxt monday!), that I thank him so much for getting me out of suicidal thinking. I'll stay alive for you. And then he laughed, he i cute!
cody, i didnt mind when you didnt, dont feel bad!
patch, i know your always there for me (even when ur not on msn!, like now)
thanks again everyone xxxx