Re: how am i suppose to get over him
thanks but, well, no, not really haha. i dont think i learned not to judge people before getting to know them. if anything, i've learned to be more careful about who i get to know. and i learned not to ignore the bad.
from the start i wasn't attracted to him, but seeing how he was to his girlfriend i just felt like i wanted what they had. thats probably what really made me want to be with him, reguardless of what our friends know he's like, and how i've known him to be, i convinced myself to ignore what i dont like about him so i could want to date him. it was a stupid thing to do because what i ignored was almost his entire personality. i ignored that he's the most sex crazed person i've met. he even once referred to a girl he didnt know as a piece of ass. but all i wanted to hear from him was what made him good. it was so obvious that he was only trying to get me to sleep with him.
but then him opening the door for me messed with my head. how can he still be comfortable with me getting so close? shouldnt he feel wierd? because i did. why did he hold open the door instead of just getting out of the way?
i wanted so badly to be in love with someone who loves me back. i convinced myself to like him because it seemed so easy to get him to fall in love with me. judging by the last girl, it seemed all it took to get him to fall in love was sex. and if sex was what it takes then that was fine because all i wanted was love.
my feelings towards him now are different from before. i still feel like i see in him what few are likely to see. but i only really want that good side of him. the side that holds the door open for me. the side that i dont worry is just trying to sleep with me. the side that genuinely wants a good relationship. but maybe it was just an illusion. i do believe that anyone is willing to change what they dont like about themself for someone they love. its so hard for me to get over because it took months for our feelings to grow and just when they're way up there, he ends it. i dont believe the saying, "its not you, its me" so it has to be me. its a very cruel thing to just decide you hate someone and talking to them when they really like you back without even letting them know why. so i must have done something very wrong on one date to make him do that. it just doesnt add up to me at all so i cant just accept it and move on.