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Old September 7th, 2007, 12:49 AM  
RaisingSand
Awesome Poster
 
Name: Lauren.
Join Date: June 17, 2007
Location: New Zealand.
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Default I hate my life ...

I do ... so much. >.< School ... ugh, I hate it. :/ There's about five people in my year at school who've decided they hate me and just want to try and make my life hell (which is one reason I had to cancel my Bebo (like Myspace) account, they kept leaving nasty, degrading messages) and they ridicule me every day.
I've been bullied at school since I was 5, and no one seems to think this is a problem, my learning tutor at school says I just have to ignore everything they say, but I'm finding that really hard to do, it's been going on so long (am 16 now), and I don't see why I should have to deal with it. I dislike school in itself, it's really not my thing. I don't pay attention much in my classes, and because I have CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) I'm usually absent about one day a week, and my teachers are always hassling me about missed work etc.
The above school thing is also an issue with my parents, who keep telling me I'm going to be nothing if I don't just start focusing etc.
On another note, (this happend Wednesday), my mom found out me and my boyfriend had had sex when he was at our place in the weekend, we've only been dating for just over a month and already we both feel totally in love, and (he was a virgin before he went out with me, btw) we decided to do what felt right in that dept., so we did when he came down in the weekend. :/ So yeah, my mom found out and basically called me a slut, which hurt me so much I wanted to cry ... I just hate the way she's always undermining me and not giving me credability for anything. Some of the rules she makes me abide by feel so restricting sometimes I want to scream.
Like, yesterday, I ran out of the anti-depressants I'd been perscribed, so I asked if she could call my doctor to get me an appointment so I could go and get some more and she thinks I should just stop being soft and tough it up.
... can't think of much more right now. I'm so so so sorry for the long,rambling post that probably makes **** all sense, I've had a few drinks, because well, idk ... drinking takes my mind off how bad I feel and the fact that I want to self harm. :/

... blood goes on the inside.

~~ LAUREN ~~


A word is just a word, until you mean what you say. And love isn't love until you give it away ... shine a light, send it on.
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