ive wanted to kill myself more and more lately... and ive been so close.. i just have to keep reminding myself that suicide wont do much for me, because then i wont be able to enjoy things.. like the rain. i love the rain. and like the feeling of sand between your toes... the first sip of a nice hot cup of tea...the way i can look up at the sky, and think, "somewhere... someone is happy." and i know that i have that to look forward to, soon i hope.
im reading this book right now, its called "its kind of a funny story" by ted vizzini or something like that.. and its about this 15 year old who almost kills himself.. he wants to jump off the brooklyn bridge, and ive just been tihnking more and more how i want that... like the adrenaline rush RIGHT before you hit the water.. and.. i dont know. ive had to force myself to stop thinking about it. but keep trying to live. i thrive on those moments that give me a rush of power... when i feel like i can take over the world.
i wish you the best of luck, i hope you live to see another triumph. they do come around.
i hope i help... i feel sort of like ive just been rambling.....