to Fallstel: thanks for the critique, lol I took my time on this, i didnt just write it, ive been writing it forever, im on chapter six as it is. but, the first-third person view is totally messed up on purpose. When someone reads this i want them to go back and read it again, its nice to give some confusion. 1-3 adjectives are allowed to describe something, im not entirley sure if ive done that, but oh well, im 16 wat ya expect. anyway, the beggining is like that because of what is to become later. You'll understand if you keep reading, hopefully. Im not being conceded but i kinda write on a college grade level, ive been told by all of my english teachers, i have many other shortstories and poems that have been published into magazines and books.
but thanks. I love hearing opinions anytime! <3