Join Date: February 25, 2007
It's not the way it seems
She paced the study, thinking about how she was going to last through this night. She breathed in and out, trying to soothe the beast within that was raging to get free. She couldn't be weak anymore, someone needed her to be strong. She needed her to be strong. She told herself she wouldn't give in, she would survive no matter what it took. She pressed her hands onto the hard wook of the desk, closing her eyes as the tears welled up inside of her. She wondered if it was really worth all of this pain.
The door clicked open; closed as hands encircled her waist. "I love you", the voice said into her ear. "I don't love you", was all she replied. She knew what she would recieve, she breaced herself for impact. Just as she expected, a hand collided with her skull and she fell to the gound with a gasp. A lone tear fell, and her company fell to their knees and begged forgiveness. She ran her hand through their hair, and accepted apology given. She would regret it again one day.
They carried her to her room, layed her down on the bed and joined her. Kisses were trailed down her face, as hands wrapped around her and pulled her close. She couldn't deny, she had no energy. She closed her eyes and they held her closer. Promised to protect her from nightmares, unknown to them her greatest fear. She nodded once, twice again and pulled into a ball to protect her from reality. Kisses on her forehead, they drifted to sleep leaving her to her thoughts.
She thought of this one person, who should be here with her instead of them. She could feel the tears forming behind her eyes. Grabbing her phone, she dialed softly. She waited for the ringing to stop, and the voice to answer. It never came, and the tears threatened to fall. "I love you" she said into the reciever. She felt like them, "I don't love you." Closing the phone and tossing it aside, she curled into the warm body protecting her. They said they needed her, but she didn't need them. She slept, dreaming of a face no one would ever forget.
When she awoke, they were gone. Like every morning before this one, she was alone. Going through the motions, she woke up and started her day. Showers, eating, drinking, smoking. Her morning was done, and her day wasn't anything special. No job, and they were going to be waking up any moment. A day with them, she wasn't as happy about it as they were. Their door clicked open, and she heard them walk up behind her. This time was like all the other times, "I love you." Head down, ready to take what she learned she deserved; "I don't love you." The floor met her head faster than she could have imagined possible. Vaugely she felt herself being lifted into their arms. Vaugely she heard them tell her she was going to be okay, she would learn to love them.
The darkness had engulfed her, no thanks to them. They were sitting at their desk, drawing up another apology. She knew she would accept it, she never turned her head away. She said it was all okay, and gave into the kiss he placed on her lips. Smiling, they went back to their business. Her phone rang and she knew they would answer it for her. It was for them anyways, it was the traitor. The traitor loved to waste her minutes on them, loved to lead her on just to have them in the end. The one still hadn't called, she was hopelessly giving up on the one.
They hung up and crawled into bed with her. Promising her their love, over and over again. And it went around again. "I don't love you." A hand accross her face, she would love him in the end. "I love you." She gave in. She couldn't deal with pain anymore. She gave up on her true love, she'd learn to love them. She'd learn to love him. And the traitor would still get everything she wanted. And her true love would hate him, and scorn his existance. But not as much as her, who was tired and just wanted to be held. He held her. He loved her. But she wasn't ready to love anyone but the one. Anyone but her.
*NOT A REAL STORY... for the most part*
Now that we're done, I'm so sorry
Why did I lie, I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you
I know I hurt you