Needle and Thread
What do you do when you've lost someone?
I mean, what's the reaction you're meant to give?
You stand there in the street and you watch them walk away, and you're perfectly aware that it's all your fault but you're rooted to the ground...Are you supposed to call to them, ask them to hold on a sec while you think of something to change their mind? Do you crack a joke to try and lighten the mood? How about you grow angry, blame it all on them, say things which you know you will regret when you're laying alone in bed that night with your eyes tight shut and your hands clenched. Maybe you just whisper 'please?' and let the single tear slide dramatically down your face and sink into the tarmac?
I could have done any of these, at least they show that the loss has affected you in some way, and believe me, his has. But no, I stand here, and I say 'can you stop following me? please?!' because it's all hurting just a little too much and I don't want him to see. He catches my arm as I turn to run, looks into my face with the concern and defeat making his eyes darker....and then he turns and walks away from me.
he doesn't look back.
I could run, I could scream, I could whisper 'please?', but I don't. I stand there and watch until his brown hair dissappears behind a cloud of selfish people. And I know I ran away from him for the right reasons - he'd offended me and had been manipulating me again, but I know that I shouldn't have run.
Sometimes I just wish that someone would tie bricks to my feet to keep me on the ground and would thread strings through my skin, again and again until my blood stains the needle and the floor, and pull my arms and legs, making me yelp from the pain, and make me do the right thing.
Because I deserve the goddam pain and I never do the right thing.
All I need now is the needle and the thread.
sorry this one's not very good, more me venting than trying to write anything decent.
*...All the possibility and promise just weighs on me so heavily...*