View Single Post
Old August 14th, 2007, 11:16 AM  
Serenity
Banned
 
Name: Valerie
Join Date: June 12, 2007
Location: PA
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Blog Entries: 12
Default Re: Poems I wrote whilst I was...

I really like these, you have a great style. My only issues are some spelling mistakes- pitey instead of pity, sarrow instead of sorrow, your instead of you're, etc.

Also I think Oh the Feeling and What to Do could be shortened. It kind of rambles a bit and I realize that that's what you were doing when you wrote it, but there's a difference between intersting rambling and rambling just to do it. If it was just a bit shorter, it would still hold my interest. At its current length, though, I start to skim through lines like, "Oooook when is this ending??"
Serenity is offline   Reply With Quote