Re: I can't seem to get it right...
You have to tell her about your past and about your struggles. If she's as great as you say, she will be much more understanding if you're upfront and honest now rather than later. If you keep it all a secret then you may make mistakes or send signals that will hurt her. If she knows that you struggle to express your feelings for fear of being abandoned again, she'll know that you're not really pushing her away; she'll know to stand by you and not leave.