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Old August 7th, 2007, 06:05 PM  
Underground_Network
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Name: Adam
Join Date: February 3, 2007
Location: Somewhere over a tainted rainbow.
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 25
Default Re: Right now... life sucks

I just feel its too late to change; I've made it by so far, and I think I can keep myself alive, but I just hate my life right now. One of my few remaining good friends is moving away, destroying yet another "circle of friends" I've had, and camp is coming to a close, meaning those friends will be gone during the school year (with the exception of two, one who goes to my school, the other who lives near me). I know my life is not as bad as some other people's, but my self-esteem has been crushed by everyone telling me I suck and that I have no friends; no life. My dad puts me down, my mom unintentionally puts me down, kids I thought were my friends put me down. Since 6th grade or so my life has been ripped apart, and I just don't seem to have the ability to reconnect the pieces. I can't change. I'm unable to, I always try to make life as simple as possible, and I've dropped lots of things to make my life easier (i.e. baseball/chorus). My dad made my main focus athletics and academics when I was younger, and now I focus solely on academics, as it seems thats all I have left. I think I would be dead if it weren't my one close friend and my mom's undying love. I felt really down like 10 minutes ago, and when I feel really upset and unworthy of life, I attempt suicide. 10 minutes ago I didn't attempt suicide, but I thought about it, as well as running away. I keep coming so close to ending it, and these little things keep triggering my anger and melancholy, and I'm afraid of what could happen if I become upset in school or due to school. I think I'll end up hurting myself or possibly someone else before I even get the oppurtunity to try and start again. I don't even know if what I just typed made sense, I don't even care, I don't know why I bother with vt... I guess just to ramble.... and ramble.... damnit, I feel like shit right now... I feel really low...

~Adam~
I'm way too high (too high too high)
To be feeling this dry and low
I'm way too tired, I've tried
I'm fired up and ready to roll
Letís go
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