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Old August 3rd, 2007, 01:40 PM  
thesphinx
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Join Date: November 15, 2006
Location: Earth
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default Re: An update( for those of you who have read my posts)

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Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
Its my 8 month annivursery with clinical depression, and just last night it hit me that im never going to be the same again never, i always had hope that once i got it figured out that things would go back to the way they were and i would be happy again.
but its to late to much time has passed for it to ever be the same.
R.I.P. me
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Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
hi lately ive been feeling better, but its weird ok this is gonna sound weird but i feel like im making up my whole life and that the world doesn't exist like its all just in my mind or something...
and it feels like the only way to get out is to kill myself, i wouldn't even be killing myself cause of the depression just cause i feel like the world doesn't exist its a weird feeling..... is this part if clinical depression???? or am i nuts..
like its funny cause im feeling relatively happy(compared to a month ago) but i want to die cause i know the world doesn't exist so whats the point?
uhhhhhh omg im crazy.........
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Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
uhh i feel like crap right now i feel like i m wastingf my life away!!!!!!!
im seriously considering suicide right now i dont want to but i just cant stand it anymore
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Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
What if i dont find the right meds?!?!?!?!!?
i cant stand this depression anymore ive tried a million meds.. and my doc says that anti depressants are not ging to work for me so im trying ritalin and something else.. she said this is the last option for meds.....

what if it doesn't work!!!!!!???
then what am i screwd!?
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Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
i just wanted to say good bye im going to kill myself tonight.
i hope your situation turns out better than mine
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Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
I just found out that my doc was not in her right mind when she prescribed me my medicines so she was not giving me the right ones, she was really sick and she might die but im just shocked that she wasn't thinking straight when i visited her.
by the way im not as suicidal anymore.
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Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
Im sick of the death and drying
Im sick of the crying
Im sick of the hatred
Im sick of the abuse
Im sick of the violence
Im sick of everything
I can't stand it anymore
i just can't do this anymore
and from this day forward I am making a promise to never say anything mean or hatefull about anyone every again no matter what im never going to say anything negative about people again i am going to be nice to everyone no matter what.
i am tired of hearing people being yelled at im tired of people saying horrible things about other people im tired of this and im going to stop it.
and if no one else is going to do it i am going to,
even if people hurt and hate me i will be nice to them im sick of hearing the hatefullness im SICK of it and im going to never hate anything again ever
i am so tired of this.
i walk down the street and i can feel in my heart as the people walk by me the hate the anger.
i just dont see the point in hurting anyone anymore im never going to ever agian,
im sorry but i needed to get that out im SICK and TIRED of this i can feel the earths hate all around me every day i can feel the HATRED and i am not going to hate back i am going to fight hate with kindness.
i just needed to say that to someone
you dont have to post in this or anything i just needed someone to hear that because its eating me alive.
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Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
Is this a mental illness of somesort?
i feel i am to overly worried about the worlds issues.
like i get panic attacks because i think of the bad things about the world.
its good to be concerned about the issues we have to face but i feel like i am overly concerned for it to be normal.
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Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
I am on this pain medication for my foot that just had surgery.
and It makes me feel soo good like so relaxed and happy(im clinically depression),
and your not supposed to trake more the 2 a day.
but i really want to take more because if feel soo goood,
and i know it wouldn't be good to do that but its the first time in i can't remember how long that i have felt so happy and relaxed. it feels like im on drugs or something.
i can't remember what its called but its a very powerful pain killer, they use it on people with leukemia.
im also on this other stuff for axeity, and it makes me feel pretty good to,
i just took 2 of the pain meds for my foot and its so powerful that i can hardllly type i wish i could take like 100 of these every day i just feel so good.!!
well anyway umm i guess that wasn't really a question more like a rant or something idk but i just really weant to take another one uuuuuuuuhhhhhhh.
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Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
Well its about school like i feel like im so far behind in school.
and im not (btw i homeschool) and i feel like im so unorganized and everything but im not im good at school but im obsessed at being perfect at it.sometimes i started like panicking cause i feel like im so dumb and everyones better at school thenn me i feel like ill never get into a college and its not true though i have a 3.5 grade point avarage im quite smart in science and computers i know 2 different programming languages i dont know why i think im behind but im obseesed to the point where i cant get any school done cause i think im behind and i just think of khow un organized the school work is and uuhhhh im freaking out right now.......... is this ocd??????
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Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
Hello, some of you may have read my last thread entitled "im gonna do it" and I was pretty close to doing it but i decided not to and since that event I have been totally unsuicidal and I wanted to make sure that i never got to that state again so I got to thinking.

And I decided to make this, its a pledge for anyone to sign agreeing not to commit suicide, once you sign it you vow never to commit suicide no matter what.
If you are interested in this please copy and paste this:


I yourname Pledge never to commit suicide under any circumstance.


Do not sign unless you are a 100% sure that you can agree to it.

If anyone commits suicide that has signed you will have broken the chain And the chain will be useless after that point.

Anyone can sign this even if they can't see them selves being suicidal in the future. but once you sign it thats it you cannot take it back you have to follow the agreement.

-Mike

well this is everything leading up to this post and its just some of the things I had to go through this past year. and I'm still a ways away from recoverying but I know I will be ok, if you want to talk to me PM me, I just hope this encourages someone who might be in the same situation I was in.
Thanks everyone.
I will keep updating you on my recovery, my road back to life, and back to myself.

-former-Psychiatric Ward & Help and Advice Moderator
Need help? You can talk to me anytime.
[email protected]
http://a377.ac-images.myspacecdn.com...a582553c18.jpg
-Michael
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