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Old August 3rd, 2007, 01:38 PM  
thesphinx
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Join Date: November 15, 2006
Location: Earth
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Smile An update( for those of you who have read my posts)

Hello I would just like to give you an update on my ongoing depression and anxiety, Well I'm virtually anxiety free! I got to the bottom of my anxiety and figured out what I was always panicking about, as for the depression last time i took the test I got 30/30 Severe depression. I took it again and I can say that I got a 20/30 Mild depression, I am getting better and I can feel it
Its been about 1 year to the day and this is the first time I feel like I will get over this.
I'd like to thank everyone for there support here, and I would like to say that I am living proof that you can get better from this, so I put together all of my threads from the beginning of the depression to the long awaited end.

threads are in order from first to last.


Quote:
Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
Hi My names michael,
Lately ive been feeling very deppressed.
it all started when i was hanging out with my friends one day and i just started to feel really sad and panicky unmodivated etc, this went on for a few days so i told my parents they said it would probably pass in a couple days it didn't pass so we looked into some stuff to help it like homopathy remedies and st. johns wort, i was on the stuff for a month and a half with no sign of helping so we went to a phsycholigist(SP?) we talked about my life and stuff and the thing is there really isn't anything wrong in my life.. i have good friends good home life i volunteer 3 hours a week at our local food bank and i am very active in sports and stuff im good at school(i home school btw)
so he mentioned chemical imbalance and subscribed me an anti-deppressant,(effexor xr 37.5mg) ive been on that for a month now and its help alot with
making me able to function without constantly crying and stuff with minimum side effects,
but ive noticed lately that im really like confused i just kind of walk around like a dead person like im not really there and i can hardly even tell whats real and whats not real its really weird.
it scarres me, i dont know what to do..
im going to go see a counselor next week to try to find something that might be bothering me in my life something that could be triggering the depression
i also have pretty bad anxiety attacks a couple times a week and i got some medicine for that,
but i guess the only thing i can really do is wait for this to pass and just keep on with my life. its hard though
o and its been like 5 and a half months that ive felt like this.
im really fortunate though that i have good friends and family, ive read some of your posts and stuff and some of the stuff your going through doesn't even compare to what im going through.
but i just need to talk to someone about this.
Thanks
Quote:
Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
uhh the last 5 months has been a total blurr i cant remember anything i feel like im floating through fog not being able to see backwards and not being able to see forwards its driving me crazy i just want to feel normal again and
to just want to want get up in the morning again instead of dragging myself out of bed i want to have fun again and laugh when someone says something funny not just pretend to laugh i want to do the things the i liked to do before this again i want to be excited about things again i want to be happy!
but most of all i want to Want to want to Live.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
Last night i was really upset about some of my friends, we had a big fight and it was a mess and on top of being deppressed lately it was just to much! i was having anxiety attack and i just snapped i wanted to just hurt my self so i took a knife and just cut 4 Very shallow cuts in my thigh they only bled like a drop of blood each but it felt good and i want to do it again.......
im scared
Quote:
Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
i need to vent...........
uhhhhh, lately i have just been feeling horrible, i feel no need to even live anymore, i dont even know why i feel like this!?!?!?! theres nothing wrong in my life! i used to be so happy whay happened!?!?
i think back half a year and i was so happy and in love with life, everday i would race to get out of bed and all winter i went skiing with my friends and family i was just so happy!!!!!! now i dread getting out of bed i dread going skiing this winter i just want to stay home and look at the wall all day......
I just cant stand it ANYMORE!!!!I HATE THIS DEPRESION!!!! its ruining my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
UHHHHHHHHHH

ok.... sorry about that.. i just needed to tell someone that, this week im getting a higher does of effexor maybe that will help
Quote:
Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
oh god, tonight i just about killed myself i just couldn't take the shit anymore and took a knife to my throat and i almost did it but i just couldn't my mom came in a freaked and uhhhhh i cant believe this, now they think im suicidal and uhhhhhhhh god this sucks~!!!!!!!!! everytime i hear myself say i have nothing to live for it makes me cry...
!@#$ #@!$ %#@!
I CANT STAND IT!!!!!!!
!@*#!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need serious help SERIOUSLY FAST before i do it again im getting this horrible urge!!!!!!


uhhhhhhk
Quote:
Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
Hello, im so stressed out right now... but anyway heres my problem my a few months ago i bought a plain ticket for tesxas my friends but tickets to and we were all going to fly out there and have fun,
anyway with this depression i dont know if i can emotionally do without having a breakdown. uhhh im just so stressed out about this i dont know what to do if i dont go i waste 1000$ and if i do go i risk getting to stressed out..
idk how you guys are going to help lol but i just needed to talk about it..
Quote:
Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
Hello, im getting off effexor xr right now 75mg and instead of weaning off it my doc decided to go cold turkey cause i was having suicidal thoughts and right now im having the worst withdrawls from it i feel like my stomachs on fire and my head really hurts and everything aches and last night i was seeing things in my room(like the wall moving and smoke coming out of the window green smoke lol) has anyone had this happen do you know what to do to help it???
it hurts!!
but the good news is im getting on prozac! hopefully that will help!
Quote:
Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
im so sad, one of my best friends moved away last year and it kills me when ever i think about it..
ive been friends with him since i was born literily and he's always been there for me and always believed in me and it just makes me so sad
we talk every week but it still is not the same there is no possible way to visit him unless you want to drive for 2 days to california
once he moved to oregon and i thought id never see him again and the funniest thing happened to years later he moved back to his axact same house here(we used to be neighbors) i miss him so much
*sigh*
Quote:
Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
hi, i dont know if this has anything to do with ocd but i have to ask...
i have pretty good friends that ive had since i was a baby they've always been there for me and everything i like them alot.
but the lastre year ive been severly deppressed and i dont know if this has to do with the deppression or if its ocd but when ever im around my friends im like so concious of what there thinking and stuff i always look at them and try to read there body langauge and see if they still like me(if that makes sence) but anyway im like obsessed about it, like if one of my friends is talking to someone i dont know i have like a mental break down and i feel HORRIBLE cause i think" great now he doesn't like me anymore and hes finding new friends" even though its not true cause he still hangs out with me and does like everything with me and he like never calls anyone else to do stuff but me, but im just like obseesed with this even though deep down inside i know he still likes me and everything.... does this sound like ocd?????
thanks
Quote:
Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
Uh I am on prozac right now and that is helping the depression A bit but lately its been getting worse, i think i want to up the dose to see if it helps either that or try a new med... i feel HORRIBLE right now god.........
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Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
Does depression ever leave??
Like i feel alot better than a month ago but..its just.. theres something misssing i dont know what im just not my self..
Quote:
Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
i went to a new phsych today and for the first time i realized how bad this is she said i have severe clinical depression and its something that i might have to deal with the rest of my life........
this sucks!
Quote:
Originally Posted by thesphinx View Post
i have some really good friends and there so much like me and tyhey support me there just really great but when im around them i always feel like they dont like me evern though they do and i dont feel like i have anything in common even though i do..
ive known them forever is this part of clinical depression??
or is this just me changing?
uhh i dont want to loose them
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