Re: Right now... life sucks
Ah but rambling is what gets out your feelings and helps you think over the entire thing.
If you're lying to yourself, stop! It seems like that's the biggest problem - lying to yourself and lying to others. Be that person you really are, be that person who wants a chance, and be that person that at least tries out basketball. You won't get ANYWHERE if you don't try.
Man, don't give up. If you give up, what happens? People miss you, your knowledge and being is lost to the people around you and you can't in turn help other people.
You have to make the decision to keep moving on even when it seems that there's no hope. Because you can make it there - there's just some annoyances and mistakes along the way.