Re: Right now... life sucks
I play baseball, I've been in chorus (same thing as choir), but I'm not as athletic as everyone else, and I never really liked chorus. I also love basketball, but I feel its too late to join it. I also have a hell of a lot of friends from my camp, but none of them live near me, so right now during summer, things are okay, but I'm usually home alone, with nothing to do. My neighbor, who has the same first name as me and is in the same grade as me occasionally invites me over to his house, but by occasionally I mean once a month, and I really have nothing to do, I do enjoy video games, using my computer, music, etc.; but I would like to do something more than communicate online and play people via WiFi or Xbox Live. I'm good at almost acquiring friends, but I usually end up lying myself into a corner. I tell them lies about myself to get them to like me, but then I don't have the guts to invite them to my house with the fear they'll learn the truth. I do have some friends that are nice to me and fun to be with, but again, most of them are from my camp and they live really far away from me. I do have some nice friends from school and sports, but we just communicate online, and we don't communicate often, with the exclusion of school and at a game. I have a lot of friends who are younger than me too, but by younger, I mean two or three years younger, and they don't see me as a friend, but more as a role model. I hide the real me; people see me as shy, intelligent, somewhat athletic, and kind. But although I am shy, and I'm probably smarter and more athletic than I seem, I'm not optimistic, I'm not really as kind as I seem to be, I'm nowhere near as innocent as other people think I am. People think I have the inability to cause harm; they just think I'm so damn sweet and innocent. Its hard to make friends when half the guys would rather make fun of me and be assholes, and the other half of guys are afraid of me. I dress like a really tough person, and although I'm very skinny, I'm pretty strong, but I'm really weak on the inside. I'm a twig on the verge of being broken. I'm so close to breaking. I'm not sure that making friends would do anything for me, unless I acquired a friend who understood that I'm depressed and understood my situation. The only good friend I've ever had was my friend that moved away. I hate rambling... damnit... I hate myself... When summer's over I think I'll be dead... I'm not sure if I mean that literally or not though, seriously....
I'm way too high (too high too high)
To be feeling this dry and low
I'm way too tired, I've tried
I'm fired up and ready to roll