Re: Right now... life sucks
In a way, I know how you feel- as far as the friends issue goes. 5 years ago when I moved from my hometown, I gradually lost touch with all of my close friends, 2 in particular, and I hated myself for it. I made a few scattered attempts at reforming friendship with the one I was less close with, none of which really worked, and once got a steady flow of email going with the one girl I was closer to than anyone my entire life. She was the one I was most afraid to contact because I was so disgusted with myself for not having the strength or courage to just keep talking to her, something that should have been so easy. Since then, I've had serious trouble starting friendships, let alone holding them for long. My relationships with people have been extremely short-lived, and most ended because I haven't been able to commit to them. However, this past year I found 3 girls I have been able to bond with on a level I didn't think I was capable of anymore. I cannot express my joy at having them with me, as I never thought I would have real, true friends again.
My point is this: don't give up hope. I know, I know, it's much easier said than done, especially from the outside, and I know right now you feel like nothing will ever be right in the world and there's nothing worth living for [well...that's how I felt...] All I can say is I do believe things will get better- for you, me, everyone. Just keep hoping and look to the future, believing that this world that you're forced to endure in the present isn't the one you are fated to live in forever.