Thread: i need help
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Old July 20th, 2007, 01:56 PM  
Junior Member
HoneyFlavoredPocky's Forum Picture
Join Date: July 9, 2007
Location: Ohio
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Default Re: i need help

i'm sorry for double posting -feels bad-

what do you mean by more though?

i hate feeling depressed and crying because when i do my parents look at me and shout and yell at me, saying that it is just a pitty party. i hate them yelling at me...which usually happens at least half of the time i see them anymore and i just can't tellmy sister anything anymore because she absorbs all of my emotions and turns them into her own problems.

the other night my mom told me that "it's not all about you." how could your own parent say that when you do nothing for yourself anymore? i mean i always do whatever makes other people happy before i do anything that pleases me. if i am not erased, i need to live to an age where i have enough money to pay back every penny that my family has ever spent on me and then after the three of them are dead i will just disapear. i don't want to have friends or family because i don't think that i am emotionally stable enough for it.

god i sound selfish...this makes me upset. now i just wanna go die -sulk-

two nights ago i had a mental breakdown and ended up screaming and crying for four hours straight and nobody came to ask if i was okay. they all just told me that i was being annoying. so i prayed to god to kill me, to erase my existance like i often do. I was afraid and all i could think about was my sister and her kitchen knife doing who knows what in the room next door.
this is why i want to die. Because i am unable to help and i only make others feel pain, so i pray to extraterrestrial forces to erase me from this world so that those who i have hurt aren't hurt anymore.
when the thunderstorm appeared so suddenly, i believed it was god's message. So i was afraid that my burning body would catch fire to the house and kill my family. I almost went outside to sleep last night, so that if God or the Devil or who ever may be listening happened to kill me with lightning last night, at least i wouldn't put my family at risk.
This is what i think every moment of my life.
Is this normal? This forum is the only thing i am relying on currently because i don't want my friends or family to feel the pain that i am feeling, so i have made it so that they will all but out now...
i seriously don't know what's wrong if anything is wrong....

Japanese: Aa...kore? Kore wa desu ne...Kira dakara!
Spanish: Ah...eso? Eso es Kira!
English: Ah...this? This is because...I am Kira!
"I´m not bad...i'm just drawn that way."
-Jessica Rabbit
"watashi wa miki wo aishiteru! Amo a Mickey! I love Mickey (Mouse)"

Last edited by HoneyFlavoredPocky; July 20th, 2007 at 02:04 PM.
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