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Old April 15th, 2012, 05:46 PM   #1
DejaVu
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Join Date: November 19, 2009
Location: Spain
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Blog Entries: 1
Default The joys of having extremely bad OCD

So, I consider myself to have pretty bad OCD. Initially, I could cope fairly well with it, and it consisted merely of repeating a few stupid rituals throughout the day. Now, however, it affects pretty much every aspect of my daily life, and I don't know how much longer I can continue with it without me going batshit insane or it developing into something worse.

I do the following:
-Count to 7 or in sequences of 7 while doing everyday things
-When reading a book, having to read sentences over and over again, usually in sequences of 3.
-Having to wash both of my bands 3 times each, and exactly 3 times each, every time I wash my hands.
-4 and 6 are bad numbers; they must be avoided at all costs.
-Extreme paranoia, and the feeling that everyone wishes me evil
-After having a conversation with anyone, having to analyze it (usually 5 minutes or so per conversation, no matter how small) to see if there are any hidden messages or see if anything was said that could hurt my feelings. You can imagine the impact of this in every day life.
-Feelings of extreme anxiety when around friends.
-Analyzing every new bit of knowledge that I gain deeply, to see if they'res anything more to it.
-Random, intrusive, disgusting thoughts, esp. randomly thinking about friends or family when masturbating; not in a sexual way; they simply pop up for no reason whatsoever.
-Suicidal thoughts
-Random, deep bouts of sadness, sometimes causing me to cry. I will be doing something completely normal when all of a sudden a wave of sadness hits me and blocks every other thought out.

We're talking pretty much 3/4 of my day being spent dealing with this bullshit. If I don't do anything of the aforementioned rituals, I feel extreme discomfort and feel that I won't be able to get on with my life until the rituals are fulfilled. Added to that, random panic and anxiety attacks while doing the most mundane things. I'll be going to a psychiatrist shortly but I don't see how medication can help this unless it knocks me out completely and leaves me unable to make thought processes.
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