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Old July 7th, 2007, 12:12 PM  
LateForTheSky
Banned
 
Name: Jackson
Join Date: June 11, 2007
Location: Carluke, Scotland
Gender: Male
Default Wakening Up To Find A Unwanted Feeling

This is basicaly my autobiography and continuned into what my vision of the future should be for myself. I will write it in parts so be patient. Please leave comments.

Storyline: My life growing up with ever growing feeling to the same sex and the social aspects of life.

Part I
I was always a quite depressed boy ever since I was young never made any friends in school or out and by the time i was ready to make friends it was to late everyone had already tagged me as the freak who always sat on his own. This made me feel terrible i constantly strived for attention but never got any. I wasn't until i developed a hobbie playing guitar that i started to get some regognition from my peers I never quite made it to the POPULAR group although i did manage to make a real friend and was no longer alone.

Then the begging of it all. High School I set myself into an awake mode were I knew how to go about people. I always was a early bloomer when it came to puberty and always concidered myself straight. My 1st crush was a girl, it was unrequited love she never really like me. This is when I started to reliase how good i could handle myself in my comfort zone boys. I started to like boys before high school a boy called steven, he was georgous, popular, an athlete just perfect. I felt uncomfortable with these feelings and tried to tell myself it wasn't happening I went into deep depretion for a a good few years.

I eventualy did pull myself together for high school and made myself poplular with most and no one would dare try and anoy me because I had such a good backing. Well thats what would appear when it came to it i doubted how good my backing was but there was a group that always pulled through for me and the sheer numbers of the rest put people off. My feelings were still there and I started to like a number of boys i knew. I descovered gay porn. This is when i discovered i could ejaculate. Thats when i started fantasising about them in sexual ways, some of them i wasnt even friends with and didnt have much in common with them.

Examples of them would be Nathan and David the 2 best friends who where the pritty boys of the entire year every girl and curious boy would have a crush on them. David was a blonde hair, blue eyed, tanned,fit boy who was hilarious and VERY well liked. Nathan was a more quite boy who had light brown hair, blue eyes, tanned and very fit and was obviously far on in puberty. I loved nathan the most he was just so perfect. I started to actualy think I was gay and started to try and accept it. That took time but was worth the wait and now I was comfortable with it and wished to have a sexual partner. I told one of my BEST friends this and he was fine with it. Infact he was very supportive and said he had a curious stage when he was younger but considering we are 13 and he is now COMPLETELY str8 i think he might just be trying to comfort me. Adam was just the thing I needed to help me feel better about myself but one problem started to occure over time. I started to have deeper feeling than friendship for him. I started to love him and adore him in every way. He was a short blonde hair, green eyed boy. Sallow skined he was just so nice. I didn't have the guts to tell him of these developing feelings for him in case i blew it and the only person who knew of my orientation.

End of Part I

Thats the setting in the next part i will tell u about the emptyness within myself and say about how alone u can be no matter how many people are around u.
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