PART 2 *MORE MADE UP STUFF BUT I WONT TELL YOU!*
We returned home the next day and my life felt pointless. It felt like everything was turning to dust. Everything I drank tasted like water...everything I ate tasted like stale bread. My parents never knew that I liked her and they still don't. It took me all summer...or about 6 months in all to get over her. Then my life moved on. I began my freshman year. A year full of drama. Eventually I realized one thing about life...you cannot get over love no matter how hard you try. It is impossible.
I tried to force myself to like this one girl...but it was never the same. I talked to Alexus online every once and a while. It was not big deal...except when she told me about how scared she was for her freshman year. She said things like how she is worried she would lose her current boyfriend whom she never told me about at Breckenridge. She was scared of losing him because they aren't going to the same high school. I told her I was there for her. It was then I realized I wasn't being fair to her or myself...and I had to drop it all...just let it go. Depression and extreme seperation anxiety took in soon.
I hid it all...my parents never knew I was depressed. It wasn't extremely depressed...but I was depressed. I pretended to be someone I wasn't. I had demons to fight now believe it or not.
This all lifted up about last April actually when my mom told me we were going down to visit everyone whom I had met at Breckenridge. I had just dropped everything completely and I made myself a promise never to fall in love with her again because no matter what my dreams tell me it can't happen. Soon the day came when I finally saw her again.
Of course me and my entrances have to set in...
Actually this one wasn't so bad...I was just playing pool and I hit the cue ball out of the billiard table right as she walked in...but that was to be expected.
"Hey," she said to me. I got up and looked at her after picking up the cue ball.
"Hey...wow you've gotten taller..." and boy she did. When I first met her she came up to my shoulders...now the top of her head comes up to my eyes. Incase you were wondering I'm about 5'9".
"Yea I know," she walked over and picked up one of the poles (have no idea what they are called) and basically slaughtered me from there on. No I did not lost on purpose.
Then we all decided to go into the pool in the backyard. Well they did I just walked around it a lot. Until she decided it would be cool to push me in...and she did. God I was so glad my iPod and phone weren't in my pants. So anyways after she pushed me in...I basically went to where she was standing on the area near the shallow end outside of the pool, picked her up and threw her in. Then she got one of those foam noodles and started attacking me with it...in a playful way of course...and I eventually got one of my own and we just went at it. That was a lot of fun...
The next day we all went to a water park called Wet n' Wild (take that the way you want) and hung out. Not much to tell there.
After that we went to the beach. We stayed till dark...everyone but me and her were in the water. We took a walk about a mile away and back and made it before dark. At one point we just sat down and looked at the waves...then looked at each other.
"Why does it have to be impossible..." she said.
"What? Us?" I asked...
"If I knew I would tell you," I said. "It's amazing isn't it?" I asked...
"What...the sand...the water...the sunset..or the people..." she asked. I looked at her into her eyes.
"All four..." We leaned in...but there was no kiss. I just brushed her hair out of her eye...and we came so close...but there was no kiss.
"I think you can do better than me.." I said.
"What are you saying?"
"You have a boyfriend...I can't...it's not fair to any of us..."
"It doesn't matter..."
"Yes it does. We may be having a good time now but in the end this is going to cause us all pain.."
At this point tears were streaming down her beautiful blue eyes...and I eventually held her in my arms trying to comfort her.
"How could you do this to me!"
"This can't be the end..."
"And it's not. We are still going to know each other...we are still going to talk...but moments like these...it will be rare...just know that I love you so much..."
"I love you to..."
The moon was now out and reflecting on the water. Her eyes were glowing...in the moon light just like what happened at Copper.
"Please...move on, Alexus.." I said.
"Because we can't be together ever..."
"Yes we can!!! We're together now!!!"
"But not for long..."
"I don't care..."
She crawled her way into my arms...and looked up at me.
"I love you so much..." she said
"I love you to...If it was my choice I would never leave you...ever..."
"If it was my choice I would come with you."
"No you wouldn't. I would stay right here with you."
The waves began to crash up on the shore. The tide was coming in. My mom called my cell phone and asked where we were. I told her just to meet us back at the hotel because our hotel was right on the beach. She said it was ok for me to stay there as long as I wanted...she was just concerned about Alexus considering Alexus wasn't hers.
The air was warm...humidity was up.
"Matt..." she said.
"What would you do if I fell asleep in your arms right here?"
"Stay here and fall asleep holding you."
Then she looked up at me. I saw the moon in her crystal blue eyes...I stared into her blue eyes...then kissed her. It wasn't making out or anything...but a light gentle calm beautiful kiss. When it was over she rested her head against my chest and fell asleep in my arms.
"I love you so much..." I said with tears coming down my face. I eventually laid down on the sand. It was actually really conftorable. But I laid there and staired up at the stars and the moon with her in my arms sleeping. I could hear her breath. I could feel her pulse. She was asleep. Dreaming her dreams...dreaming away into another reality...one in which things for once went right for her. She had it rough and me living far away and not being able to be with her was just worse for her.
I didn't fall asleep that night. I just held her in my arms. Held her so close and so tight no matter how warm it was I held her and kept her warm. At times I would just brush my fingers through her hair. About 2:30 A.M. she woke up.
"Matthew are you awake?"
"Because I don't want this night to end."
"Neither do I." She laid her head back onto the sand next to me.
"Do you remember the first time we met?" I asked.
"You were so cute in that beanie."
She looked at me.
"I don't want this night to end..." she said as she crawled back into my arms.
The waves were only getting higher and higher causing the water to come up to us. She rolled over on top of me and kissed me. I kissed back...then we looked at each other in the eyes.
"How are we going to keep in touch?" she asked
"Do you have a myspace?"
"No my mom won't let me get one. She's afraid I'll get hurt or something..."
"I wouldn't let you have one either."
"Because your mine...and I don't want other guys staring at you. I don't care if you have a boyfriend...I'm in love with you and that's all that counts."
"Maybe someday we'll finally be together." she said. We kissed again. The moon was brighter than ever.
Then she stood up.
"Where are you going?"
"Come on!!" she said as she started running. So I ran after her and caught up with her. When I did I scooped her up holding her like a baby...one arm under her legs and one under her shoulder blade.
"So...you thought you could outrun me?"
"No...I was actually expecting you to do that."
"And now what?"
"This..." She pinched my arm and I dropped her...but she caught herself. She knew she was going to catch herself. Then she ran out into the ocean about waist high for the both of us. I ran out with her and caught her hand pulled her back at me and held her in my arms and hugged her. Then she tripped me and made me fall into the rather luke warm water. She laid on top of me. I rolled her over and got her wet to and we both kissed again (as if there is enough huh).
"If there is one memory I don't want to lose it is going to have to be this. I promise I will come back to you. I promise I will always love you. I promise we will see each other again." I said.
"I love you..." she said.
"Maybe someday we really will be together." I said gently.
"Maybe. But why worry about the future. Worry about now."
"There is nothing to worry about now."
"Exactly..." We kissed again.
We held hands and just walked the shoreline. Later we walked the town and enjoyed the night life. We never went back to the hotel till about 6 in the morning where we both could not get to sleep.
We hung out the rest of that day but every time we looked at each other we felt the same thing. Love. Two kids confirmed how much they were in love. The day after that, June 7th, was the day I left. I hugged her goodbye. I saw tears swelling in her eyes. And I whispered to her these words:
"I will see you again. I promise," and she just nodded.
"I love you so much," I said as I held her tightly to me.
"I love you to..." she said. I kissed her on the forehead and then we had to let go because our parents were coming back from the starbucks in the airport. I got to the gate, looked at her and mouthed the words "I love you. C'ya later," then got on. The flight home I cried. I sat in the back where my mom couldn't see me and just silently cried.
"Excuse me sir," asked a flight attendant.
"Are you ok?" she asked. I sucked it up a bit.
"Sir, I have permission to stay here and talk."
"Thank you so much...because I need someone to talk to..."
The flight attendant sat in the empty seat next to me.
"What is it..."
"I fell in love on this trip..."
"To damn deep."
"What's her name?"
"How much do you love her."
"Enough to let her fall asleep with me on the beach."
"Did you pressure her?"
"No. I didn't have sex. I wasn't looking for that. But we kissed laying on the beach."
"Sir, why not just stay with her or something?"
"Because I'm not here alone."
"Family making you go back?"
"Yes. I promised her I would come back. I promised her never to stop loving her."
"You sound like someone to love sir. I hope she finds you someday.."
"So do I."
The flight attendant had to return to her normal duties. I just fell asleep and dreamed of everything that happened that night on the beach. Every word spoken and every kiss made.
It's an amazing thing love is. God certainly has a reason for letting you fall in love if you believe in him. But if there is a God or if there isn't there always is a reason for it no matter how painful and how depressing. I still dream that night over and over again. It's become repetetive and it gets more amazing every time I dream it. That night happened last month.
I miss her to death. I really have to stop writing this now. I'm sorry but this is the end of the story. It just pains me so much to recall every memory I have had with her...it hurts me so much. I promised myself I would never fall in love again...and I broke my promise.
This is my love story. This is my Lovers Requiem. This is the story of Staring into her Blue Eyes.
THERE MIGHT BE A PART 3 TO THIS NARRATIVE BUT IF THERE IS 1 THEN IT WILL BE ABOUT WHAT I HOPE TO ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE WITH HER.