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Old June 24th, 2007, 04:37 PM  
Default Gay Or Straight?

Hi I Am 18 Years Old. Since My Girlfriend (23) And I Moved In Together, A Few Moths Ago, It Seems That Our Sex Life Went To Nil. We Are Lucky If We Make Love Once A Month. I Am Working And Studying And She Is Working, Too. I Would Have Sex/orgasm Every Day, Especially In The Mornings As I Wake Up Stiff. But Every Time I Try To Make Love To Her She Says She Is Tired Or Just Don't Feel Like It. I Know She Loves Me And I Love Her, Too. The Problem Is I Am Jerking Off More Than I Used To, Especially When I Am Sitting In My Desk Studying. And Now I Prefer To Masturbate Rather Than "looking" For Her. It Seems That I Have A Better Time Touching Myself. I Turns Me On To Jerk Watching Myself In The Mirror And I Feel Guilty About It. She Doesn't Know I Masturbate And I Believe She Would Go Mad If She Did.
When I Moved In With Her I Promised Myself I Wouldn't Watch Porn Any More. I Used To Look At Gay Porn Web Sites And Really Enjoyed It. Sometimes I Would Even Jerk While Watching These. But I Would Later Feel Very Bad, Guilty And Thinking That I Was Gay Or Bi. When I Looked At The Pictures Of Men Having Sex With Each Other, Particularly Oral And Anal Sex, I Would Wish I Had Had An Experience Like That. But At The Same Time I Think It Was All My Fantasy. I Felt I Wanted To Be One Of The Boys In Those Pictures. However, If I Thought About Actually Doing It Then It Didn't Feel That Good. If Fact Felt Repulsive But At The Same Time Tempting.
When I Was 14 And 15 Years Old I Had Sexual Experiences With A Friend (boy) Of Mine. He Was My Age, Too. We Used To Jerk Each Other, Rub Our Penises Against Each Other. Of Course I Liked It, But After I Cum I Would Feel Bad, Guilty And Thinking That I Was Gay. He Once Gave Me Oral Sex And That Was It For Me. I Thought It Was Getting To Far, I Was Now Getting Near My 16 And I Though That Wasn't The Road To Go. I Never Gave Him Oral Sex And We Never Had Anal Sex.
I Thought Moving With My Girlfriend Was Going To Help Me Stop Fantasizing Having Sex With Boys. And At The Beginning It Worked Out Cause We Used To Have Fun And Make Love All Day. But Now I Feel She Doesn't Fancy Me Anymore In The Sexual Point Of View. I Don't Remember When Was The Last Time We Made Love, But Every Time We Do (1 A Month, If So) Is Because I Make It Happen. I Am Getting Tired Of This Situation But I Don't Dare To Talk To Her Anymore About The Lack Of Sex. I Suggested Many Times That We Should Make Love More Often But She Says She Is Too Stressed, Etc. I Don't Want To Loose Her Cause I Love Her. But At The Same Time All These Feelings And Turns On About Having Sex With Other Boys Are Coming Back. I Noticed I Am Starting To Look Again At Boys In The Streets, Work Or Uni, And I Feel Like I Fancy Them, Kind Of Thing. These Feelings Have "sexual Content" But Mostly I Would Like To Be "them" And Not Be Me Anymore. Sometimes I Wish I Was Not Me Anymore And That I Was Another Guy, More Free To Have Sex With Boys Or Girls And Without Caring About What Other People Say. I Am So F... Confused. I Feel My Life Is Crumbling.
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