Re: Random story
I've mixed feelings about this.
Good: Finally! A story that isn't about angsty teen experiences and all that whiney bull. It's a nice break. Your vobabulary is also pretty good, along with dialouge.
Not so Good: Someone needs some FORMATTING! You should always start a paragraph by indenting, and since a lot of format features aren't on most forums, you'd be better off writing it as a word doc in a processor and just putting it up for download. You might also want to read my stickied tutorial in this forum. : )
Best of luck.