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Old June 10th, 2007, 04:01 AM  
VT Lover
Join Date: July 3, 2006
Location: Glacier
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Default Re: i almost remember sometimes

Originally Posted by forever.sleep View Post
it started when i was 7. we had a room under our stairs, my older brother use to lock me in there.i remember it was cold and dark and it smelt like a garage, dusty and old. thats when he raped me for the first time. it carried on for years. i remember the feeling everytime. how much it hurt, how much i hated him for it, most of all i remember all the hospital visits when i would fight back. when i was 9 we moved. i was relieved, no more room under the stairs. however my mom had just taken a new job which ment my older brother was supposed to take care of me. it didnt take him long to build a cage under our stairs in the basement. he would break beer bottles in the bottom of the cage and lock me in it. he usually only let me out when he wanted something if you know what i mean. when i was 10 i managed to pick the lock on the cage, and fight past him. i ran to my friends house and stayed there for as long as i could. that was until my mom made me come home, later that night he took a hammer and attacked me. when i got home from the hospital i was grounded, apparently he was also angry with my mom so he punched her... which of course made me get grounded. all my mom said was i should have known better then to piss him off again.

thats mostly all i remember clearly but it didnt stop until i was 15. why cant i remember the rest>? not that anyone would want those memories. i get glimses of them occasionally. i will hear a sound, or smell something and suddenly its like im right back there again. sometimes i have nightmares about it. but its always in little clips like a movie cut into pieces, and when i try to remember its not there. i keep thinking if i can just remember it then maybe i could deal with it and the nightmares and the fear would go away.
i dont know maybe im just crazy
Your not crazy, I can't remember shit about my life, including the good things

I'm tough, rough, ready and able
To pick myself up from under this table
Don't stick no sign on me, I got no label
I'm a little sick, unsure, unsound and unstable

But I'm fighting my way back
Hyper is offline