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Old June 7th, 2007, 08:38 PM  
Dancing Dirt into the Sno
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Join Date: June 5, 2007
Location: Southern NY
Gender: Female
Unhappy Just Not Doing Well ... Rattled by counseling ...

I'm bulimic and anorexic too ... i will not state numbers and such but I definitely have not and havent been meeting even the minimum recommended criteria for caloric intake, etc. .. my counselor today told me that eventually we need to work on the eating disorder because she can't collude (sp?) with me on it - I'm not asking anyone to ... it is what it is ... i fully understand and acknowledge the fact that I'm slowly killing myself from the inside out - eroding my esophagus and stomach lining, destroying and completely screwing up my entire digestive system ... but the thing is for me it has become something I am so familiar with - yea it is a choice ... and @ 19/20 yo there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it ...

My family doesn't know I don't believe, or they are in denial ... I said earlier that if confronted with the question of whether I am bulimic/anorexic I would not lie ... it is MINE! and no one elses - they can't take it from me or make choices for me anymore about it ... which admittedly I find comfort and strength in (ik warped) ...

My fear is that I opened up to my counselor ... no I'm NOT suicidal and NO I DONT WANT to die <- answers to her questions ... as a professional is there anything she truly has the power to do even if I am of sound mind and able to make decisions for myself, etc ... that I am fully aware of and acknowledge the risks, consequences, etc...

I admittedly ... just think I should shut up and stop talking ...*shrugs shoulders*

She's just the way she is, but no one's told her that's OK - John McLaughlin *beautiful disaster*

The Older I get, will I get over it? - Skillet *the older I get*
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